Blogging this has taken me lots of .. emotional strength? yeh i guess. ive been longing to blog about it but couldnt bring myself to. because just thinking about it and reliving and replaying it over again in my head makes my stomach all sick... and i get all teary and probably cry myself another river.

-deep breath. here goes.

nike jumped down from our eigth storey window this morning. yes. he did. im not lying. i wish i am but im not.

it was raining. i was all ready to go to school. i was the last to leave the house; my other sibs has already left and mom has gone to work so it was just me and my grandparents.

somehow, as i was checking my hair in the mirror in the living room just before leaving, i felt something. i glanced around the room. anggun was on the table, eyes wide staring right at me. chingy was looking out the window from across, as if he was searching for something in the total darkness outside.

i happened to look at nike's basket. he wasnt there. my stomach felt sick. i was like thinking, "something bad is gonna happen..." Little did i know, something bad *had aldready* happened.

but i pushed that sick feeling to the back of my head. its a friday. the weekend is near. my birthday is near. i kissed my grandparents goodbye. i was about to leave when my grandmom asked, "where's nike?"

that feeling returned. but i refused to let it show. i reassured her, he was probably under the bed or something.... then left for school.

i got out of the lift when the sweeper who usually sweeps the flat early in the morning told me there was a cat injured in the rain and wanted me to help her see if the cat was alright. that was when i felt my heart just skipped a beat.

i was shaking like a leaf. i recognised that cat. it was nike. i broke down right there, refusing to budge. i didn't want to get closer than i was. i was afraid.

the sweeper's grandson went up to call down my grandparents. when my grandfather got down with a towel, i cried some more. all these time, i kept my distance from the scene, sobbing my eyes out. i heard my grandfather said, nike's still breathing. i cried even louder.

by then it was already 7.30am. grandpar told me to go school. ugh to hell with school. nike needs the vet.

brought nike up. he was whimpering, eyes wide with terror. his gums were all pale and he was breathing short and fast...

called up my cousin. and the both of us rushed nike to mount pleasant animal hospital, me still in my uniform. nike soiled himself on the way. poor kitty..

waited for like so long for the results. when the vet called us over to fill us in, i didn't want to. i refused to. i was scared to know whats wrong with nike. i just wanted to hear the vet said that nike will be alright and that hes a strong lil feline he will be back home and running and playing like normal.

but no. of course not. he slipped off the window 8 storey high, goddammit. sighss. so what if hes a strong healthy demon cat.

i heard a little bit of stuff here and there about nike's condition: he has a fractured hind leg. both his forelegs were bbroken. one of his lungs collapsed so he has trouble breathing. more checkups and xtrays will b done to make sure and all. told us to go home take a rest. and that she will call us up when she gets more information.

:(

went home. it was 8.30am. stayed by the phone. fell asleep. at 12++, they called saying tat they cudn do much about the lungs. and if we want to see him, now wud b the right time.

what is tat supposed to mean? is he gonna die or something?

i wanna see him. at the same time i dont. i dont wanna see him all broken and all. i wanna see him as my playful, gettin-fatter-evry-minute cat. anyway, mom's working. cousin has gone to work. im not sure how to go there.

i dont know what else to do. what is there to do?