hellu. hannan, if you're reading this? congrats. you found my posts. how was the paper for you anyway?

..nerr.....

mt o's. over. ooh. to think i should be celebrating.. have to remind myself: this is merely the beginning. bwahahahahahha.

yea so lets see.. i didn't have enough time to complete my paper 1. but i have a good feeling about my essay. at least the first paragraph of it haha.

you know, god answered my prayers((:

i prayed and prayed that the topic wouldnt have anything to do with deaths, bad influences, or some kid feeling sorry for himself, or anything equally, well..sad. which exactly what most malay topics are basically all about, see. at least those that ive attempted.

lets face it, it's boring. it gets on your nerves. the world's already black as it is. now we have to wriiite a 240-words long essay(in malay!!) about it? come onn..

anyway yea.

so god humoured me and answered my prayers. and guess what the topic for description essay.... describe the time you were in a dilemma. what happened?

i almost cried. thank you god. finally!! something new!! haha!! hm where do i start.

quite honestly i must say my hands were itchy. i couldnt wait to start on my description essay. i have a good feeling about it at the beginning. but towards the end, i wanted to cry because i had no idea how to effing end it.

"15 more minutes."

"oh holy shit. i know time flies but this is just crazyyy!!!!!" ..currently the most common thing id say these days. hear me say it everywhere. even in my sleep.

the thing with me is i hate endings. or maybe because once i start i cannot stop. ..which is pretty much the same as 'i hate endings'.

i ended up pretty much screwed. irgh hate endings.

paper 2 was a little manageable. god answered my my prayers((: once more.

i prayed and prayed that the answers for comprehension would be a little more direct. in other words: bloody make sure the answers are in the passage~

of course i didnt say bloody in my prayers.

i prayed and prayed the words to one of the section where we have to form sentences, would be a little less.. foreign. meaning: preferably words ive come acrossed and aware of its meaning.

ah i was laughing while doing the paper(:

okie not really. but im just making a point. nope, not saying the paper was a breeze. no, not putting high hopes. getting an a1 for malay is not considered a 'hope' because it should come naturally.

..nah. who am i kidding? akmal is not my name. it doesnt work that simple for me. im speaking from experiences. and trust me, i am experienced.

haha. pfft. let just say i learnt my lesson. had a wee confidence in my my malay mid years and my results came out.. sucked. so. yea.

im just glad its overrr.. i dont have to face another malay essay in.. hm. i figure, never.

unless of course i got a b for my results and might do a re-exam but i dont want to think about it now because thats tomorrow's problem only that is if the problem will occur which i hope not but what the hell, i dont want to think about it why am i torturing myself like this!??!?!

qah called me an insensitive bitch but i think shes just confusing me with herself..or herself with me. i dont know im confused either.

hm trying to think of something insensitively bitchy to say here but cant. i dont cut being the insensitive bitch, do i.

i shall leave it to the best and since im at it, happy belated 16th birthday, atiqaaa.

i woke up to find lina all dressed up for school. "omigosh..its monday's already!?!!" i jumped down from my bed.."i know time fliies but this is just crazy!!".. and handed on..my sister's camping bag. .."...oh."

lina's always away on ncc camps. how funn ): and she always comes back tanned and toned.. and we will always make fun of her when her face starts peeling.

its just another way of saying that she's been missed(:

it's a saturday. aspho's gifts.... nyehehehehhehehe.

nana and i were really really quiet the whole journey to taka. at the mrt, nothing said. i hate the mrt!! its like, its such a weird place to be. when you're standing, you could feel people staring at you from all angles. and when you're sitting, you're just not sure where you should look at.....

the only time nana spoke to me was when she called my name because i was walking the wrong way.

..my sense of direction sucks. when was the last time i was here?

takashimaya brings back fond and not so fond memories. yea. i got lost here when i was young. it was me and my dad(yea it was usually him who took me to places like these).

i was fascinated by the biig fish tank so i refused to budge from there. just stared up at it at those colourful fishes.

fishes have always mystify me when i was a kid.... maybe because dad took me out fishing at bishan park(yup..that was my dad. how do you spell my dad's name you ask? its f-u-n..(:) and ever since then i loved fishes.

ironic huh.. because i watched my dad rail in fishes struggling to stay alive and there i was squeeeling going, "wheee!! papa got pish!!!!!"

i loved fish so much i got dad to get me a pet fish..and he gave me a whole aquarium~ we had a luohan!!!!!(: and goldfish. and this fish which looked like pirahnas. honest!!!!! we even had mudsuckers... err.. that weird fish which sticks to the side of the glass tanks and sucks and feeds on algaes. yup.

would help dad to clean up the tank every month or so because it could get real dirtyyy. i loved cleaning the tank. dad used this.. thingie which sucked the dirty water from the tank and then we would use this long hose to fill it up with clean water. then dad would add this colouring which gives the water a unique colour..almost bluue and its real pretty when you lit it up(((((:

but the fun bit was catching the fish and placing them into another temporary tank~ especially those big ones which splashed about and made the floor all wet and then gmum would get pissed off because she was afraid she might slip and fall. hahhaha.

ahhh((((: i miss dad sooo much.

you know thomson plaza(was named Yuohan last time, if im not wrong) used to have this small fish tank at the entrance just after the sliding doors and whenever we went there, i would skip to the tank and staaare(((:

and there was one i was having this religious class thingie over at my neighbour's. it was my first day and i was excited. he had this coool aquarium with this heeeeuge fish and i nonchalantly got up in the middle of the lesson and announced, "excuse me. i wanna see pish!" and then now and then i would brag, "my pish at home, biggerr.."

i was, what..5? that was also the last time gmum took me there...

anyway, back to the taka incident.

my dad called me back but i didn't want to go home yet. i wanted to look at those 'pish'. and that particularly funny looking angry fish with eyes sticking out like hammers. ..yea. hammer-head sharks.

i saw it attacking other smaller fish and i got scared. i turned around and my dad was gone. uh-oh. suddenly everyone there looked like hammerhead sharks and i just starting going crazy.

have you ever got lost before? if you had, you'd understand. it was terrifyyying. i couldnt recall what happened after i went crazy. haha. but we rejoiced, me and dad. we went straight home after that and i remembered momma lecturing dad when we told her that i got lost.. hah.

ahhhh.. ((((((((: bittersweet memoriess.

i wish we still had the aquarium. i used to love to stare at it. my other sisters watched tv, but i watched the fishes swim around those fake aquatic plants and fake little caves. we even had a little plastic diver, complete with oxygen tank.. hahha. and i would bring it small stones from outside and decorate the tank with it.

but we had to get rid of the aaquarium because we got tired of it. well. i didn't. but since dad passed away, suddenly the fishes werent interesting to watch anymore. they didnt play like they used to. as if they were mourning like we were. and cleaning it up was not the same without dad so we let go. (mom sucked at catcing the fishes.) we released the fishes into the pond at bishan park(((:

wait how did i get to the topic of fish?

actually its been in my mind the whooole day. nana kept asking why i was quiet and if i were to tell her, its fish, she would think im crazy. so i told her i was just hungry. and she gave me a macs coupon. fillet meal.

hmmm.

i love fish. but i dont eat them. wait. wrong.. i dont eat fish. i love them. ah what am i saying!?

so we got atiqa's gift and its this heeeuge heart with glitters and a pair of wiings. its the bestest. then nana got her a pink daisy. or garbera, so nana said. yea. it was the prettiest(:

she met us and we gave her the present. she was delirious..happy. we were happy she was happy. yet there was something missing.

qah asked for a hug right there at the mrt.

flashback.. the day i got lost and dad and i were at the mrt.. it got crowded as people started alighting from the train. didnt want me to get lost again, dad told me to hug him tight. and i did and i cried all over again.

irgh im getting emotional.. all these crazy memories rushing to me, some id rather not think about.

okie. deep breath.

then nana and i went to ang mo kio library, which i hadn been to ever since it was renovated. its that the word? yea, the library brings more memories........sighhhhh.

well, the old building yea. its all new and different now. it was my first time stepping inside.

i could still remember the old library..... there wasnt machines that time. we had moody looking librarians who stamped the books. haha.

my first library card there.. getting it was like getting a credit card. i was so proud of it i showed it off to my friends. not forgetting my first fine. hahha. then dad purchased the cash card for me and it felt like a real credit card. hahahha.

i loved the old library(: you know my first best friend was a guy???! yea! i was pri2 and his name was fitri. he was just a classmate(we had been since kindergarten) until we bumped into each other at the library. then we became best friends.

well.. pri2 definition of best friend is not as complicated as now, see. (: we used to sit next to each other in class, held hands while going down for recess(you know how primary sch teachers go "hand your partner's hands and walk two-by-twos!" hahha).

then 2 years later, he got transferred. never heard from him ever since.

okie how did i get to this topic now!??!

it was all in my head all along..while nana busied herself with the 'vinci code' book.. ah wth. we had ice cream after that and then i acompanied her to yio chu kang interchange.

ang mo kio library is supa near to my old primary school.. so i wanted to walk home, taking the route i used to take to go home when i studied there. kindar like, memory lane.

but i thought.. nah. enough for today. one girl can only take so much(:

some people dont know how to appreciate niceness kindness when they are being treated with one.. its just so haard to try to like these people.

i blame their parents...... wait. i pity them. no. i blame them. eh. i dont know already.

im not saying that i want anything in return after what ive done for them. but does it kiiiill to smile or say thank you? talk about manners.

yup, i definitely blame the parents. not entirely but its a way to start.

THANK YOU hannan for kindar reminding me that school started at 9am today. kindar because he asked what time to report to school and i thought that was a silly question..

so naturally it couldnt be the usual 0715 or else he wouldnt asked. so then i found out..yea. 9am.

had breakfast with nj, sriee, shahina and nabila. we were supposed to meet at 8 but.. pfft. nowadays which sensible freak ever reach on time?

we only started eating at 8.40am..... so i went like, "hey..weren't we suppose to be in school by 9?" and nabila and nj reassured us it was actually 9.30am. so we were like, hell okay.

we reached school at ten. we would be lying if we said we werent nervous. i mean..an hour late (everyone knew it should be 9 but everyone didnt want to believe so)?

what do we say if we get caught? "oh. we were having breakfast and it was to diiie for." .....ohkayye hows that supposed to help?

we also kept saying to each other, "if we dared to do it(purposely be an hour late), we must dare to face to consequences." hm. very deep. but translation: "this wouldnt have happened if nabila hadn't ordered so much....lets kill her."

school was quiet. a couple of cleaners.. jeez. cleaners had never been so intimidating before... then we saw mr kelwin koh. harmless koh. we got to the homeroom block. it was empty. then we heard cheering from the hall.

dammit.

we were thinking, "hall? now how do we get inside without getting caught?"

it was quite simple actually.... well. so we walked around the hall, quite visibly. then we laughed, because so much for "the stars for the day". if you get what im saying..

we joined those at the back of the hall and that was pretty much it.

i could get use to this..........

sriee told me after i left school yesterday, and while she was hanging out with the rest, mr chan joined in. and then guess whoooo came along.

she said he(not mr chan) has low, deep voice and im beating myself up for not being there to experience it first hand.

yes im still helplessly in lust with hiiim. though seeing him kills me... he sold flowers for the family day thing(which im also beating myself up for for not being able to be there at the family day since i figured its gonna be my last).

ooh. guys and flowers. very turn-on. ...i meant male florist, of course.. ew where am i getting at!?

unlike `hhhe who makes me wanna beat myself up, my wedgie makes me smiiiiiiiiile((: and then later crash into other passer-bys. irggh.. down, lelaa, down!! haha.

miss k got us to fill up some form thingie.... and it wanted us to rank top 5 of our good points..or something equally bold.

i asked ryan..what perseverance? and she gave a couple of examples one being..me myself. haha. "like when you didnt know how to play the guitar at first. but then you persevere and you learn how to play it yourself."

i was like..hell yea. but i was wondering how she knew about all of thhose..

"i read your blog, okie. im your loyal reader." and she hit me in the back. (but if you dont tag, then whats the point!??! taaag, ryann!!!!!! (:)

which reminded me..after reading my english compo, she told me to call her if i were ever to write a book in the near future(and i bloody will!!), she's gonna buy it.

damn it felt good to hear that. (: Someone appreciates!

did i tell you ryan cracks me up!?!?! very witty, very wicked sense of humour. and when i say wicked, i mean WIKID~ ahahha.

my aunt asked how i did for my midyears. so i told her it was fiine. ooh my pants on fiiire. when she was gone, her son (of my age) whispered, "sucks too, huh?"

he had no idea.

my overall midyear results suuuck biggie time. but momma seemed.. satisfied? for some reason.... and im happy that shes satisfied.

i promise im gonna make her feel much more than that for my prelims and o's (:

im tired and very sleepy..):

correction: i was tired and was very sleepy. now im like energized!!!!!!!! i love you, linaa!!!

she surprised me with a guitar when she got back home!!! it was so cool!! shes the coolest sister everrrr!!!!! and guess what. it's exactly the guitar i wanted!!

except this one's kindar blueish green/greenish blue/ugly/whatever its definitely not orangey red like the one i was eyeing at yahama aka the one i named stitchmo.

but who cares.. it's cool, its slim, and it's even in tuned already!!!

my eyes were twinkling as she handed me the guitar (hmm..light!). then she just had to say it to ruin the moment completely.. "we only have it till after june."

i looked at her in despair. then confusion.. "what do you mean.... i thought..didn't you...so this is not...so how..why is it....but it cant be..." then it hit me like a blow in the stomach.

derrr it cant be. iknew it was too good to be true. what was i thinking? that selfish money minded elena ismail bOuGht this freakingly gorgeous(even though its not reddish-orange) for me?

turned out her friend wanted to sell the guitar(stupid friend..it's a gorgeous lil thing how could he wanna sell it!?!?!). and lina suddenly remembered that i was in need of a proper one myself so there. i love her.

me: "so i have to pay for it?"
lina: "uh. apparently. that is if you want it la."
me: "irgh no."

she tried to take it away from me but i was holding onto it tight.

me: "you did mentioned..after june, right? hehehhehehehehhe.."

heavenly.. though im kindar used to the old bulky guitar. hah. but yea(:

anyways!!!!

maybe it had been the air condition in the mt homeroom. makes my eyes feel a wee bit weird. i cant stand aircon. thats technology for you.

i dont think i can face another malay essay. ah!! help me!! ive still got 2 more to finish. not including letter writing and dialogue. and the ten year series....

6 more days! 6 more daaays!!!! im. seriously. scared.

i met up with syahira yesterday and she said her malay's disgusting. i told her my malay's disgusting and she told me she's got a c5 and i was like yea your malay is disgusting.

i miss her(:

"friendship is a necessity. with whom is a choice. our choice. be smart when it comes to choosing the type of friends you wanna hang out with. but of course, friends are more than that. because they are able to make you or break you. whether or not we like it, changes and influences are bound to happen and this will have a great impact on us, especially teenagers because this is where they are at their most fragile and vulnerable stage."

not bad for an introduction. seemed ive got everything on for me, huh? hahahahaha WRONG.

this is supposed to be a malay essay, for crying out loud!! too bad. translating english to malay has never been my forte.

thank gawd for my best friend who helped me thru it all..(: the english-malay dictionary~ ahh! give it up for it, people.

if only i could sneak it in into the exam hall this 30th may.

sitting behind hannan and dicky was very interesting. because it was the mt room, no matter how soft your voice is, almost everybody can hear you. so yea. i could hear every single word that came out of their pretty mouths.

i was shocked as hell when i heard hannan said, "dicky..hungry?" and fished out a can of ayam brand tuna out of his bag.

holy crap.. remind me to bring bread tomorrow.

then as we were packing up, hannan was asking whether he needed to cook the tuna first....oohhkayye. cute thing was, dicky said yea and started sharing him cooking tips.

i was like controlling the urge to laugh or make fun of them.. gaaawd. god made boys so irresistibly silly.

haha that didn't make sense..

had lunch with nana after school to smooth things out because we 'weren't speaking to each other' that friday. hah. she hit a raw nerve of mine. so i kindar yelled at her and so yea.

we are cool now. cool as beans. or cucumber. same thing.

so i was sharing with her some stuffs and asked what she thought and she was quiet for a while (ooh surprisingly..hahha).

actually she had a lot to say but she was trying not to say it because she knew i hate to hear her say it.

she couldnt hold it any longer: "lela. can you just not care?"

i was like ooh thats a way of saying its none of my business. i respect her biig (?) so i didn't get mad at her when she said that.

"i caaaant!" i told everyone at macs. "it's hard. i just cannot not care. because its like..my nature to."

i know nana cares. though she keeps saying she doesn't care. she keeps repeating it but she doesnt show it. so whats the point, riiight? action speaks louder than words.

shes so stubborn sometimes. guess what: so am i.

nana suddenly asked: "do you think you're a good friend." boom. smack in the head.

before i could answer, one of the macs lady sat next to me, put her arm over my shoulder as if we've met(she did took my order who thats not counted) and asked: "wanna take picture?"

she pointed to the mirror against the wall which is pasted with pictures of unfortunate customers who mouths were greasy with salt and oil from eating too much fries.

"hell no," i told her. but she kept insisting!! nana hid behind her burger to avoid being involved. thanks. what a great friend.

after i threatened not coming here ever again, the lady stopped pestering me.

answering nana's question: if i said no, id be lying. you call it ego, i call it honesty. haha definitely not modest but youve gotta give me a little credit for my.. bold honesty. hahha.

....okie now as i think over about some other stuffs, i dont think that ive been entirely a good friend. well. she said good..not perfect. so there.

nana and i both agreed though: umairah's one good example of a great friend(: meyaa we love you so!!!!

we were talking and then someone hit me hard on the back. choked on my burger. turned around. bloody hell, hongsui. there's such a word called "hi, hotass" you know. he pissed us off so bad, that bastard.

nabila, nj, jocey, shahina and a couple more came over.. they were surprised to see us with a fatass pri5 boy. i told them i hadnt met him in my life till now.

then hongsui called my name and nabila was like, "well..obviously not the same for him..." bulls... then something funny happened.

hongsui: (stared at nabila)
nabila: oi. why are you staring at my face!?
hongsui: where got!?
nabila: nevermind. i understand.. haha ceh!
hongsui: yuek! your face got so many pimples, no one will like you!
lela: not true! i like her! ..(fine i didnt say this. i said this instead: hahahahahhaha!)
nabila: (glared at him and said as cold as ever) then, you so fat nobody will like you. (she later regretted because she realized she's not exactly miss slim herself. LOL!)

nana and i were lmao-ing and nj at the background was saying, "wahh..just met and already exchanging criticsm."

then jocey came over and joined in: "your teeth so big, nobody will like you." (she wanted to say fat but she thought that would be mean..she didn't know nabila had just called him fat."

that managed to drive him off. well. not really. he kept coming back, that dickhead. nabila threatened to throw the baby chair at him and we were all chanting, "get lost get lost!"

goshhhh..so fun(:

went home eventually.. came back. guitar. happy. ooh.

tag, people.

im sorry but i didn't mean to peep!!! i was just cleaning up the table and there it was: syak's diary..wide opened..

a barbie notebook had been never so inviting.

the temptation was really strong. i needed strength of an elephant to resist it. ah heck. elephants? weird analogy but you get where im driving at.

i saw the words 'birthday wishes' written on that particular page. it was obvious syak was trying to make it presentable because she had decorations all over it. nuh uh, not very well done.

but still, it didn't stop my itchy fingers from picking it up and actually reading it.

my bad. but in the end, i glad i read it because it totally changed me.... i can never look at my 11-year-old sister in the same light again.

the first few wishes were typical 11-year-old wishes.. i tried to recall my days as a primary 5 kid who had pretty much nothing yet everything. get it? haha i loved those days as a kid. and then i reached 12.

i got to syak's fifth wish and it read these: "for my 1st sister to finally get a cool guitar..orange one or brown but she likes orange like a tiger."

........
............
...................
by the way..1st sister as in me. lelaa. aka evil elder sister.

i read it like a million hundred times before i convinced myself my eyes werent playing tricks on me(wouldn be the first time!)

i was overwhelmed!!!! but first. i checked to see if it was my sister's diary. yes it is and gosh isnt she just the sweetest thing!?!

i love her.

then immediately i felt bad.mean.very bad. i was snooping around my sister's private stuffs!

but im glad i did. from right now onwards, i promise not to boss her around too much. and if she asks how to spell a certain word, refrain from giving her the wrong spelling /throwing the dictionary at her.

kidding about the dictionary part(: im not that cruel.

im wondering why she puts MY ultimate birthday wish in HER birthday wish list.. i can only think of this: because she's guilty of breaking my current guitar.

nooo. that was lina's evil work. syak just suggested it.

and i said *im* the evil sister?

haha weird. i dont get them. wait..i dont get us. i mean, we fight. sometimes pretty bad fights. over pretty lame stuffs like who gets the last scoop of magnolia ice cream......... (lina did..she didnt deserve it!)

but then at the end of the day, the 3 of us are chilling out in the room and singing along with whichever song is on the radio.

wont be long before one of us screws up the lyrics and the other makes fun of it and the other will try to make peace and say, "lets all face it, the both of you caant sing."

and which is true. im not lying. my sisters can't sing!!

at least one of them is smart enough to not even try. but the other one just wouldnt keep her trap shut!!!! hahahahahhahahohmygosh im bitching about my sisters on cyber space.

haha what other better place? wanna know one more thing? they--

okie i should shut up.

sisters can do the funniest thing ssometimes. like, they pay you compliments you least expect it.

like when i was feeling pissed and i was playing my guitar really furiously and my fingers got all numb but i didnt care i just wanted to play my anger away and then lina said, "hey.. keep it down. you're good and we know it already."

and when i was stuck with my cme role model project and i asked her who was hers and she effing said i am. then it got awkward and i showed her my finger and said, "whos your role model now?"

i know i know i know.. imma baaad sister. i just dont react well in such situation where im caught off guard.

syak cleaned the room this morning and a song 1, 2 step by ciara and missy elliot came on air and can you believe that she knows every single word to that song!? she was singing along in that cute(so sriee says) voice and even changed her tone a bit when she got to elliot's part!!

so cute!

sigh.

i love my sisters. id die if they read this. hahaha. but yea(: being the eldest sucks but they make it fun for me.

i hope it works.

sriee and i head for toapayoh library after school to borrow a malay novel or two.. yup yup. we hope this would come in handy for us on this 30th of may.

it was weird, being in the malay section. haha. yup. lost the word.

maybe it's the lack of good malay (non-indonesian)novelists.. and im not including those who write about love. those are plenty.. ew. malay love novels.

no nothing against them. haha. no disrespect but it's just very awkward. i do read love novels..in english. yea because of the gories. hehhehehe. not in detailed, of course because that would be too much. wahahha where am i getting at....

i ended up borrowing two malay books.. well, one of them is an adaptation of a malay movie, which helps alot because i already knew the storyline. i don't have to pretend to understand the story.

i just wanted a good picture of how a malay essay should be like.

the other book is a love story. i think...its got roses in the front cover. when lina got home and saw the book, she was laughing and i was in denial. i didn't remember borrowing it at all.

then i remembered that guy at the library who was in front of me in the queue and how he farted so openly out loud in my face.

haha before that sriee and i had lunch and we made a new friend who looks so like our friend!!!! (: his name is andy and we suspected him and our friend(!!) are distant relatives because they look, walk, speak the same!!

it's a pity he hates us. i think we offended him. somehow. you should have seen his face when i asked him for more chilli.. he was so pissed off, he started throwing chairs and tables.

i mean, really. literally. im not kidding. okie maybe not throw. just rearranging. but he might as well!! you know, get the rage out of his system! he was making so much noise(angry noise, mind you) shoving the chairs. it was impressive, considering he's small built and all.

.......it is a friday(:

we were making our way to macs (for some reason, im blogging backwards..as in the time..haha its fun.) and it was crowded. there we were behind this lady pulling this trolley behind her.

i dont have anything against old ladies and trolleys. i think they're cute. i can see myself doing that when im 70. ..okie or not.

but this lady, she was strolling. and we were in a hurry because we were hungry and hungry girls are angry girls...okie no. when we're hungry, our insanity is at its peak. and we started laughing at the smallest thing..mostly never at the same thing.....

have you ever walk behind a lady with a trolley? let me be more specific: have you ever been so hungry and cold, and having hallucinations of fries and there in front of you, a lady strolling with her trolley as if the space belongs to her?

it's tricky. and it could only get worst..

this salesguy handed her a pamphlet thingie and to our horror, she took it, almost stopped walking and started reading it!! right there in the middle of the pathway.

for a second there, we were just standing behind her and just..whadda.. frozen. we was like, heyloo laaydee!? but we were laughing at the same time..weird.

okie. you cant blame us for being lame. we were hungry and it's a friday. and it's toa payoh. so many things had happened to us here in toa payoh~

so how was school? so we got back our results(: it wasnt as bad as i thought it was. especially after i got my english, which i thought i would do badly because i didn't have time to finish my functional.

but i managed to get a 20 for it. dude. imagine if id completed it!!!! guess i spent too much time on my compo. which wasn't a bad idea because i got a 26 out of 30 for that!! HAH!

i was like telling myself: HAH! i still have it...a writer's touch. okie maybe i never had it. not since old primary school days but it seemed like ive acquired it~

ive got a 26 for my malay compo too. it's upon a 50.

irgggh haaate my malay results!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i know i know, who am i to give tips right.. but really. you wanna ace your essay-writing, write about something you feel strongly for. or something that had happened to you, that you've experienced. only then you can write about it, and write it well.

"friendship or the right thing"..the topic for my essay. happened to me quite recently and been bugging me ever since but i couldn't blog about it for apparent reasons. and when i got the chance to write about it in my essay, not only was it easier than making up my own, i also felt so much better after it(:

i was cool with my english results and then everything else went smoothly afterwards. ooh. even the fact that i failed my sciences didn't bring me down. or my amaths because i was expecting it. hah.

my emaths paper 1(set up dennie..) was higher than paper 2(set by mr.hotass ong) and the latter was supposed to be so much managable. turned out there was an error. a big one. a difference of 8 bloody marks.

why do i have the feeling mr goh marked that paper.... hahha. i don't trust him. i demand miss k to get some other reliable maths teacher to re-mark my paper! ceh.

im happy with my geography..(:

hahahh my sciences. hahahha. my chem and bio. HAHAHHAHA. norine and i were on the same boat. we were pretending to be depressed yet it was obvious we couldn't care less. haha.

when norine got her chem she was like, "omg i passed!" when i got mine i was lost for a while. suddenly couldn't think. haha lost. like, "is mine a pass? or a fail? .."

i glanced at norine's. hers was a mark higher. so i assumed i passed too. so we were like congratulating ourselves.

then novi pulled us back to earth: "it's upon a 65......" our marks are 20-ish so obviously we failed la but somehow we weren't convinced..more like in denial.

norine calculated half of 65 on her calculator.. her reaction was cute..while punching in the digits, she said out loud: "65..divided by....2...32.5..waait..round off.. 33. ooh we failed!" but in a tone equivalent to saying, "ahh! i caught that movie yesterday it was worth it!"

and we hit the table in a 'pretend to be disappointed yet it was obvious we couldnt care less' way.

bio was no different. hah. oh well. im just glad mrs jeya is not setting the paper for Os.

i couldn't remember what else happened. just that winnie was a little upset and it was weird because im just so used to see the cheery, crazy, bubbly winnie going, "hey lamer!" to sriee and i..and practically everyone else too.

i know how much she loves food.. so i managed to get some from shihui's mini birthday party and gave some to winnie and it was really nice to see her smile again..

like it was nice to see mom smiled. well she was cranky when she returned from work today.. and my attempt to cheer her up was exhausting. both her and me. then the next minute, she was calling me and beckoning me to come watch the tv because "jeff wang is speaking malay on tv".

then she was happy because she loves this sort of entertainment where people try to speak other foreign languages and make an ass of themselves.. haha. i was happy because she was happy and because she remembers small little bits about me: my craze for jeff wang.

you heard me say this before, imma say it again: its really the small thiiings that mean so much.

..okie syak just creeps me out... she was folding origami in a shape of a heart and showed it to me and i was like, "aww thats so sweet~" then suddenly she got all solemn and said, "its sweet but inside it contains the scariest of truths."

truths.. guess im not the only one who's struggling with them.

everything's getting crazier these days.

before i start, i wanna dedicate this entry to HANS!!!! and my ASILA gundu BABE!!! (:

i thought since mid years are over, things would get back to normal. or at least slow down a bit. but did it?

ohh no. of course not. are you crazy(there the 'c' word)? i, of all people, should have known better. since when things ever go the way you want it, right?

i got back my mt results yesterday. disgusting. i feel it should belong to the bin outside the mt room. i feel i should belong inside it as well.

believe it, suddenly the bin seems such a cosy place to be. that is the last place anyone would ever think anybody would hide.

i felt like crap after i got my mt papers. yea it wasnt an easy one. it was pretty difficult but i didn't thought i could get that low.

nana, meya and sriee were exchanging marks and going like, "wow you're good" and "no, you're better.." and all those sort of thing which only made me feel worst.

it's okie i don't blame them. they didn't know anything. i was hoping and praying id shrunk and eventually disappeared. i thought it was working because they didn't bother me about my marks. until nana started bugging me.

i don't blame her though. for some reason.. haha maybe im used to her or something but yea.

they knew i was upset and tried to cheer me up which only almost reduced me to tears. hah they were so sweet.

then i poured everything to hans who beared with me the whole entire moment even though it was all so sudden(: he made me feel so much so much so much better because he was willing to uncritically listen and even gave me advices or two.

he wasnt being critical or judgmental about the whole thing which was really a refreshing change((:

then just when i was feeling better about the whole thing, something bad just haaaad to happen.

okie it's not bad. it's just a minor thing, really, but it got so big because apparently ............ okie it just got real big and i started freaking out and he wasnt helping at all fuck him..

hell i was freaking out. because that was a matter of a friendship and.. trust.

too bad i just cant lie. ironically im not proud of the fact that i cant simply tell one small lie!!! if anything, im totally about honesty and yea its the best policy unless of course you're admirably good at lying.

so i talked to asila and shes so sweet to listen and..irgh shes just the bestest!!!!! see, it pays to have friends..good friends who listen and understand and dont judge you, that is.

asilaa and haaans!!!! ((: no words can express my gratitude!! thank you so much just doesn seem enough.. love you guys! (:

today was crazy too..especially when we checked our scripts and i got to see where i had gone wrong..ahwells. .. but..haha it was fun for a moment. especially when sriee actually threatened cikku majidah. aaahh swriee's the bestest.

if there's one thing i like about her is that shes the walking proof of the phrase: "good friends ask what happened. great friends find out and pretend it never happened."

i didn't really made that up myself.. i was watching desperate housewives and gabrielle said something like that to bree when bree asked if she was having financial problems.....

well i just find it very deep and thought-provoking. unless you're the type of friend who thinks otherwise: that you should always ask what the matter is because "you care".

hahah crap. i don't believe in that. pffft.

nana and qah tried to make me tell them my marks. i wanted to, really. i wanted to scream my marks out loud because thats the only way i think i might feel better: get it off my system.

but when nana started giving wild guesses as high as 70+, i thought heck. forget it. i knew she wanted to make me feel better but no it wasnt working.

sucks when people overestimated you. sigh.

anywaysm where was i!?

i changed my layout again.. im gonna stick to this because it reflects how i feel and gonna feel these days. lost. haha. like, "..gosh..*speechless*..was this supposed to happen?"

..okie that didn't make sense.

i put up a tagboard too.. just wanna try out new old things you see. haha. new old things. hahha. you guys hab better tag. pretty please.......((((((: tell me i suck for all i care. just tag. hees.

tomorrow we'll be getting back all the papers. why am i not looking forward to it!?!!?

mid year exams are over!! (:

ironically, im disappointed its over. i know im crazy but really. i wish i could re-do every single subject, every single paper all over again.

im screwed!! haha!! i can picture myself getting my mid year results... nope, not good news. never been. its nothing new, really.

but i know what's new!!! the layout!!

anyways. why do i not look forward to tomorrow.. probably gonna do more malay revision than ever, while the rest of the school get to enjoy the post exam activities.

on second thought, ha ha! good for them!!

oh! oh!!!! chengz is baaack!!!!!!! im so happy..(: for some reason i can't define.... anyways!! he was the first sweetass teacher who says 'thank you' after he collected my scripts. aint tat tweeet!?

haha and i replied with a smile, 'oooh you're so fly'.

then i found out he didn't just thank me; he thanked every single kid......................

ohwells! im sure he smiiled at me and said my name when he thanked me.

makes me sick thinking how disappointed he had been when i, i mean, most of us, couldn't make it to his wedding.. ): and how he's gonna find out how disgusting my maths is.

chengz: this is for you..
without you, where do i belong..
without you, how can i go on?
no dennie or miss v.tan will do.
tell me how am i supposed to pass my maths..
without youuuu.

sigh.

Okie!!

i waited for my mother at the interchange after school but she wasn't there..... so i called home and turned out she was fast asleep!!!!!!!!! i was furious.

we were supposed to get mac to the vet to get him sterilized. he started peeing all over every corner of the house; it drives mom insane and it drives me insane because she keeps accusing me for it.

"it's your cat. your darned cat.. get him sterilized la!! with your own pocket money!" she said.

yea sure. no problem. except the whole own pocket money thing..but im sure she doesn't mean it.

i was all ready, waiting for her and where was she!? snoring her ass off.

okie fine so i should have called.

..no my grandparents shouldn't have picked today of all day to go shopping at johore and because of that, mom couldn't leave the house.

but still.. i should have called to re-confirm.

but why me!?? mom should have called!

but im cool with it now.. she promised she would cut down on her spenditure on fast food..... yea. her fast food phase is kicking in.

remember i bought this Get Fuzzy Scratch-a-Day Calender thingie? get fuzzy is about this guy called rob with his (almost evil) pet cat and (already dumb) dog named bucky and satchel.....

satchel: (holding a book entitled 'wheres waldo') bucky ruined one of my favorite books! he drew beards on waldo on every page! now its too easy to find him!

rob: hmm..

bucky: that book is prototype for my new book "wheres osama?". im going to make a fortune.

satchel: oh. my.

rob: (flips to a page, appalled) okayy.. well you cant sell this to kids.

bucky: but i got the images from a nintendo game.

heh that never fails to make me smile(:

thank god its friday!!! the only time i can bring myself to switch on the computer and blog my heart's desire(: ..without any guilty conscious, if you get my drift.

thank god its friday!! so what if its the thirteenth? (:

thank god its friday!!! im feeling so good today(: considering amaths paper 1 was a total bitch. and geography paper 1 was.. well, i am sure im capable oaf doing bettar (*simon cowell style) if i had study for it.

.......

teacher: block mountain, horst, residue mountain; which one of these is not a mountain?
kiki: *snorts uncoolly* obviously the answer is horst. you are insulting my interactions!
teacher: intelligence.
kiki: thats what i said.
teacher: okay. uh actually horst is not the answer.
kiki: what are you saying..
teacher: im saying that horst is not the answer.
kiki: i knew what you were saying! what i meant was.......great. thank you god, just because im pretty, you dont have to give me a memory span of a baby golfish.
teacher: ? anyway, lili.. the answer is residue mountain, not horst. it was a trick question. you're not intelligent like you told everyone you were.
kiki: gasp! how dare you!? how dare you call me lili!?!?! my name is kiki! k-e-e-k-e-e.
teacher: im suprise you know how to spell.
kiki: im surprised that a horst is a mountain and a residue mountain is not a mountain when apparently it has mountain at the end of it.
teacher: because there's no such thing called a residue mountain.
kiki: irgh. *snorts uglily* as if theres such a thing called horst!

............

unless you're a geography student, you wont get what that meant. heh.

anyway right what i was trying to tell ya is that, if i had studied last night, i would have known that a horst is a mountain and a residue mountain is just something mr kelwin koh came up with to ruin my life!!!

okie im overreacting(: well, it is a friday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

im trying to recall whatever that happened this week..... just that it was the exams and yea.

i really wanna say that ive been burning the midnight oil and all the papers are a can-do, a total insult to my interactions. intelligence, i mean. but then i would be lying(:

i didnt burn the midnight oil because i want my mt least 6 hours of sleep. anyway, hans did say its important. i think so too. wouldnt wanna end up sleeping in the middle of the paper now, would you!?

its cool and comforting to know that im not the only one(: who thinks sufficient sleep is essential. hannan sleeps at 10 every night. and breakfast in the morning is the most beautiful thing.

we have so many things in common, hannan and i. we even worship backstreet boys(:

JOKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hahahhahahahhaha. no offence bsb fans.

ginny asked whether ive blogged.. surprise surprise.. ahha. said she "likes reading my entries" and i told her i like it too.

hahah riight.

sweet to know somebody out there appreciates my wackiness!!!!!!!!

im feeling happy because of three things.. 1)amy's onliine!!!!!! miss her miss her miss her miss her. her nick's 'shawty'.. bloody hell. coincidence????? 2)its a friday!!

and i helped this old neighbour of mine who conveniently forgot where she placed her walking stick. o_0 hahahha it was hilarious. but i held my laughter till i reached home..

but yea it felt good to help(: you kow that warm fuzzy feeling in the stomach?

i just wish im good with words. you know? im not much of a conversationist or whoever.. i bet that lady grew bored(:

i dont wanna sound pessimistic-ish but ive a feeling my mid years is screwed. im not sad or anything. if anything, i deserve it.

i promise im gonna put my heart and soul and mind into my prelims and os((((: and i promise to keep that a promise. ...and i promise that if i failed to, i wont deny that ive promised to do so at the first place.

and i will also promise.. ahha just kiddiiing.

oh my gosh
hes making eyes at me
and i dont mind at all
oh my gosh
hes making my imagination..
run w-wild!!

some silly song by some person in the basement something.. basement jaxx? silly song. hahha..but i like the words in it. spunkie.

but anyways. im here to blog(: im feeling very good about myself for some reason. weirder still, ive got butterflies in my stomach.

im just excited that im blogging, thats all((:

i have the whole house to myself on this rainy friday afternoon(: its a friday!!! im so glad. week's been pretty busy with revisions and whatnots and im more than happy to welcome the weekend once again.

time flies, doesnt it. hell it does and it flies amazingly, sadistically and extremely fast, leaving you desperately trying to keep up.

monday was a public holiday..labour day. the next day was english paper. screwed, i tell you. screwedddd.

there was a spot check thingie after english paper two. and it got everyone so nervousy and jittery and a little paranoid because it was a different kind of spot check. ahha.

but it was nothing laar. leave it to the school to always manage to spook the kids out for no apparent reason.

when it was my turn, i had mr bala checking my bag.. he was in a hurry, i suppose.. you know how when you're in a hurry, you tend to fumble about and get all clumsy. mr bala was guilty of that. ahha.

my bag has alot of compartments. and mr bala didnt know where to start. he picked the smallest compartment.

biiiiiig mistake. a baaad move.

thats where i put my dirty socks.

yea no kidding.. (: but unlike salmia, mr bala didnt think it was hilarious.

yea so someone lost his phone or someone stole it or something that day. mr bala, on the other hand, lost his appetite.

hahhahahhahahahahaha..aherm. anyway yea.

that day after school, salmia and i had lunch at macs and.. fishing hell, even if id lived to a hundred years, i doubt my social life would be as..grand as hers.

you kow what im saying.. everywhere we go, we would at least bump into an ex-classmate of hers, or an ex-schoolmate, or an ex-crush. ahha. and they would stopped for a while and talked a little.

when i bumped into naurah, an ex classmate of mine(which i was trying to avoid, sad to say), all i managed to say to her was, "what the hell happened to your hair?!?!!"

she was like, huh? so i rephrased, changing the word hair to hand.

as if thaaat wasnt awkward enough, a whole bunch of mats from her school started appearing almost from out of nowhere. everywhere, actually.

i cant help but notice, she seemed a little..grateful to see them. i dont blame her; i know i was. because it meant that i 'had to go'.

yea as much as i want to say that things changed, people changed and thats why naurah and i are not as closed as we were when we were little kiddos performing on stage for teacher's day.. then i remembered how salmia and her old friend waved to each other from across the street and how deep they were in their conversations.......

sighh i thuuck.

i just wish my friendships now with all of my friends right now wont end up like how i was with naurah.

dont get me wrong, naurah was a great friend. we had fun boogie-ing(: but i dont know. its just me i guess!?!!!!

while in the bus back home, this supa dupa cute guy sat next to us. we sat at the back of the bus, see. the guy was with his parents but his parents took a sit in front of us.

what i noticed about this guy was his dimples. im a sucka for dimples, no doubt about that and aint shy about that either.

so i was making eyes at him. hahhahahahhaha.. i waved a little and he gave me a warm smile and i just went crazy.

ive told you salmia brings out the spontaniety in me.

she knows imma shutter bug; anything that catches my eye, ill take a shot of it with my phone. unlike everyone else of my friends, salmia doesnt think i was being silly. she is one herself. aahha.

so naturally, i tried to get this guy's picture but i knew it wont be easy. i wanted his whole face, not just the sideview. i had to get through his parents first.

that was when salmia grabbed my phone from me, leant forward and practically thrust the phone right in the guy's face.

instead of diving for his parents like any other 4-year-old should when he finds two crazy schoolgirls trying to take a picture of him, he simply smiled shyly into the camera!

talk about vanity. hahhahahaha.

then the father turned around, saw salmia in action and glared at her. either she was oblivious because she was mesmerized by the guy, or she was just crazier than me.

she was just crazier than me. because she even had the guts to look at the angry father and lifted her chin at him, a gesture which could mean anything, see.

who cares anyway. ive got his photo!!! and his name. hehhhehh.

he reached his stop and stood up. and salmia asked what his name is. his mother heard this and was looking our way suspiciously. i pretended to look out the window and enjoy the scenery of the hdb flats.

so yea we got his name..probably heard it wrongly because the name 'yong chang' really sounds.. funny. hahha.

the next day.. a wednesday..salmia and i studied a little at macs after schoool. and she happened to recogniz one of the guys working there, who 'used to have a crush on' her.

i can see why(:

she told me why: "i once help push his wheelchair bound grandmother from central all the way home. and ever since then he was trying to woo me with gifts because he thought im this nice, caring girl..whaat only. im not all those."

she wasn bragging. i know bragging when i hear one, mind youu.

she said these next: "actually, i am a good girl la but i dont show it. because then people will take advantage (of me)."

..go figure.

she does have a point but what i strongly feel is that i should always be nice to others and do small simple things for them. 'it may not bring monetary rewards but the intangible benefits are aplenty'(:

mr ezzy chan showed us more than 50% of the questions that will come up for midyears..... he hopes we all can give him 100% passes. that would make altogether 41 of us.

geography paper 2 today.. -cries-. okie actually it wasnt that bad. almost all of the questions were from the ten year series which i had painstakingly read through.

note: read.

so i was practically strangling myself for not memorizing the answers. i know it wasnt my fault but really, if i had did just that, i would have gotten a distinction just like *snap fingers*.

but ohwells!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (:

ive got sciences to worry about now. and maths. ooohh maths. i love maths. really i do.

my uncles and aunts urge me to go to a jc. imma like, jeez ill go wherever i wanna go you cannot stop me for nuts.

and i asked my mother where she wants me to head for after Os.

"anywhere you wanna go, la." (i was smiling so wiiiidely) "but id prefer you go to a jc." (my smile wavered slightly) "but i dont want to pressurize you so much..but really. i want at least one of my 3 daughters to go uni. and you're my only hope."

and no i am not honoured even a bit. i mean, how could she--

hold it. happy thoughts, lelaa, happy thoughts!!!!!

mom believes in me, so do my nosy uncles and aunts. i think. :)i can do it.

msn is new!! ahah. kooliies.

okie this entry can last for another 7 days. haha goshhh. somebody stop me!!!!