so many stories to share(:
so little tiime!! ):

jocey(yes, you. JOCELYN). im nothing like you lor. eehhe.

i need to buy a big thiick book to cramp in all the sorts of weird/funny/inspiring/mrs.jeya 'quotes' i may and had come across. ive already compiled a few(:

no wait. A LOT. aaha.

now whenever i feel like crap, all i gotta do is browse through it(: never fails to put a smile on my face. and laughter off my vocal chords. it can work wonders, im telling you!!

your spoken words make the greatest impact than anything else put together. they could make someone's day(: they could also bring someone down.

so think before you speak! no. not think. feel before you speak.

ahhh you know what i mean(:

quote of the day: "i told you on tuesday to bring today. i told you on tuesday to bring today! i did!" -mrs jeya.

today was like whoa. things were moving really fast.

social studies first period.. miss khai: "okie good morning class!! complete one essay question for me. refer to mind map and lecture notes to elaborate. awright. get out of my class."

i know i know. you're going, "huh.." but really. it seemed like that!!! we got to class. we sat down. she wrote down the question on the board. we had a little difficulty but after that it went smooth. then the next thing was, miss khai started kicking our butts out off class.

english with mrs o was no different.. we got in, greeted, sat down, did compre test, done, got out of class for amaths.

and then things started to slow down. really really slow down.

im not complaining about amaths. in fact, i need and i waant all the time i can get for that subject.

and physics.. sigh.

i had chem practical.. with miss korh(: whOotz. even though she's like supa strict, at least she's a better teacher than mrs jeya. not that mrs jeya's a bad teacher or anything.... and even though we don't show it by being responsive for once in class, we all love mrs korh.

uhm. right.

i had no idea what the hell i was doing for the practical.. why do i have to have hiiiim as my lab partner!!!!? its so bloody hard concentrating.. pouring chemicals into testtubes have never been so tricky.

dreamy sigh.

wait syahira called me last night((: i miss her like loads!? and still trying to get over the fact that she reckons weijie and i are a "cute perfect couple". bloody hell. *blush blush* ahah yea. he does chem experiments and i copy them.

oh yea. for the record, atiqa.. i wasnt fascinated by the colour of the chemicals. ahah. yea. i was fascinated by that boy behind the colourful chemicals(:

i blogged last thursday(: my thursday rocked. haahah. but i didn't publish it because.. i don't know why. just didn't.. i wanted to!!!!!!!!!! but i know better.

just wanna say i had fun trying to study with nana and nabila that day(:

you know what? you can never study with a group of more than 2.

2 is just right. 3? never. more than that? good luck and all the best in trying to..do whatever is it you've planned to do. i advise you to put aside an hour or so the next day to complete that whatever-is-it-you've-planned-to-do the day before.

do you get me? does it all make sense to you!? because if it does then.. that means i make sense.

does *thaat* make sense!?!??!?!

okie im officially rambling senseless. that, not included.

..

aaarrgghh im losing my touch. or maybe i just don't feel like blogging all of a sudden. weird. i was really dying to share with ya'll about, you know, things/stuffs/oooga booga/shmooga booga..randomness.

i blame my conscious.

i blame the Os.

i love this layout(: maybe because its grey and i love grey(: and i love the written words too. some song by some boyband. westlife i think. asilaa, this was the song we heard at delifrance riight?! ehhe.

i love this layout so much.

actually no. i just hated the previous one.(this is lela by the way.. layout's not really completed yet because i cant be bothered..not today.)

but really. i like the last two phrases: will i ever see..you smiling back at me? ((: ahha.

mr koh once brought this up: when you smile at people here in singapore, they either 1)think you're trying to be funny or 2)think you are physically attracted to them somehow.

how bloody true. i mean, come on. some guy you've seen around in school just smiled at you. you smiled back, fine. and surely you were also thinking, "gosh..maybe he likes me???"

dont denyy!!!!!!!! murhahhahahah.

will i ever see you smiiling back at me.......

will i ever see..... miss vivian tan smiling at me without saying, "you'll do better in the next test"(which in translation meant that i had better do better) or "please rub the board for us, lela".

will i ever see momma smiling back at me?? seriously. every time i throw her a smile across the table during dinner or something, she will glare at me. she thinks i want something. yea sure i want something. a smile in return would be nice!!

will i ever see.. chengz smile again???? i miss him!! i miss bumping into him in school. okie not really bumping la. because you know how bloody faast he walks. ahha. more like flying passed. when the hell is he coming back!? they should send mr goh to that teacher workshop thingie instead of chengz, you know. chengz already a brilliant teacher.

will i ever see my sweetheaart wedgie smiling back at me?? okie i see him smile all the time. but not at me. there are plenty of eye contact and stuff while we are smiling/laughing at some joke but thats not counted. because its not as fun.

okie i should have know you wont be interested in thaaat crapp. ahahha. i understaand. moving on.

pe was fun. ahha. i enjoyed pe. we played softball. i wanted to escape from being graded by madam foong. i suck at batting. so i thought. heh. was telling noviani, "gimme a good one, baby. please." noviani's a killer pitcher.

she finally threw that damn ball.. and i hit!!! bulls eye! it made a impressively loud sound against the bat. music to my ears. i was going, "awriiight, baby!!!!"

but instead of cheering for me, my mates were screaming, "tsk! lelaa, run laa!!!!"

i thought i was a terrible batter (?). i was worst at catching. i was either too slow or.. very slow. there was once the ball rolled waay past me and ended up into the boys' side of the field. linus picked it up (why him!?!!! irghhh!) and threw it at me.

it hit me right in the right thigh. any higher and slightly to the left i would have thrown my bat in his face. ahha or just roll on the ground crying. it was bright red lor.. my thigh where the ball hit, that is.

stayed back with nana and ali after school.. actually after my amaths test which was, yea, not nice. anyways yea. who cares. ..besides myself, that is. and miss tan. ahha. ANYWAY!!!

it was soo windy in the canteen..so nice(: then it rained. even nicer(:

i was buying a drink right? and then nj suddenly approached me. we were talking and suddenly she said, "..damn so cute sia." i wanted to thank her la but realized she was looking past me. i turned and noticed this not-that-bad-looking-if-you-like-tall-guys guy who was also buying a drink.

dang.

nuruuuul..you thuuuck. ahhaha.

long weekend(: looking forward to it. i wanna study((((: talking about study... nabla and i are staying back tomorrow after school to study.. anyone?????! :D

study is good(:

ive been faaalling.. faalliiing..
girl im falling for you.
and i pray you're falling tooo..
ive been falling, faalling.
ever since the moment i lay eyes on you.


ahahha..
gosshh.
has always been like this.
you know what this means right?
when i listen to old nsync songies..
(:


that sunday..
went to the cemetary to visit dad's grave.
and gmum's and gdad's.
ahah.
havent been there for months now.
it's like all filled up already \:


it's sick thinking that:
every day, there's always someone who die.
every day, there's always someone who has to go through the pain and sorrow of losing the one they love.
every single day.


imagine you're going through your "same old boring" life:
worshipping your material possessions,
gushing about your new crush,
not doing your homework,
crying because you're having a bad hair day,
agonizing about that biiig zit on your nose,
etc


but somewhere someone else is crying their eyeballs out,
screaming, "why me!?"
they just lost their mother.
or father.
or best friend.
or just anyone they loved.


somewhere someone else is trying to move on.
and even if they manage to,
their life won't be the same.


im speaking from experience.


the problem with your ugly zit
or the dilemma of whether or not your crush likes you too,
pales in comparison
with the problems some other unfortunate people are facing.


bad hair day?
big deal.
failed a test?
nothing new.
cute guy in class next door?
:p i saw him first!!!
aahhha.


(:


the chronicles of life and death.


that monday..
first day of term 2.
was awright i suppose?
it was so nice to see all my friends agaain.
eheh.
see hiiiim!!(:


after school, treated asilaa out for lunch at delifrance.
it was her 15th birthday on the 13 of maarch!!!
ahahha that girl ar..
born with the gift of rhythm.
heh.
and not shy showing it.
((:


todaay..
got back amaths common test.
i passed(:
but terribly.
if that make sense?


hafeeeesh.
i need youuuuuu.
):
but he's busy and only contactable after 7 everyday!!


i need amaths tutor.
badly.


physics common test was not nice at all.
i wanted to tear the paper in micro bits
and watch them disappear down the sink,
laughing my head off.


crying, more like.


after school, had lunch with nj and joy.
so much for saving money huh.
i guess a guitar can wait..
sob sob*


by 18 april, by 18 april..


nahhhh maybe it's not worth it.
he probably had forgotten me.about it.


did i tell you i was in the saame bus with my "sweetheart" as sriee calls it.
it was sooooooooooo cool.
he is so cool(:
he has an air of quiet confidence and mystery about him.
very fly.
guess i go for guys like that.
look at potter-guy and summiee!
and muhd(before he was a mat, haha).


i shouldn't be blogging.
i should be practising my trigo and matrices.
i have a test tomorrow after school.
sigh.
trust miss vivian tan to spoil our wednesdays for us.


but yeah i know..
its for our own good anyway.
so im not complaining.
much.


other than that,
my life's great(:
i hope yours are too.


i LOVE the new mcfly song!!!!!!
its all about you.
its all about youu behbee..
its all about youuu
(fades away)

what, no messages?
this is depressing.
nobody misses me, it seems.
must be this new layout.
ahahha its awright.
im kindar used to it now(':
the layout and you'all not missing me.


ahhahaha reverse psychology rocks.


so what you guys up to?
(:
i havent been blog hopping
because ive been really busy.
you know,
with the killer assignments
and all.
pfft.


add that one to my 'why i hate term breaks' list.


oh what?
ive already added that?
it was the first thing id written??
oh.


add it again.
and while you're at it,
make it bold and underline it.
thrice.
that's the way.


so far ive only completed english.
yayness.


ive still got e and amaths(aarrghh!!!), geography and malay.
the rest of the subjects are really for revision sake.
but still.


sigh.


you see where im getting at!?!??!
i haaate term breaks.
not only do i not get to see my friends,
i..uh, dont get to see my friends!!!!!


how do you know youve got over someone?
when you stop thinking about them.
when you stop gushing about them to your mates.
when you stop blushing whenever you see them.
yea well basically when you stop acting like a total asshole la.


james nan and i were talking:
"ive decided that im moving on.
for real. im happy."
"thats good. and here i thought
all along youve moved on."
"oops.. heh. what about you?"
"what about me.."
"still into him?"
"ohhoho no way ho say.
when i said im moving on,
i mean it."
"oh that's cool then."


and the next day:
"why does he have to be
standing there every morning
looking at socks?"
"is that why you liked him!?"
"dude, no. what makes you think that!?!"
"relax. i was just playing with your words.
why dont you just approach him.."
"hey, i like that.
but im supposed to..uh, get over him?"
"its up to you, really.
but if i were you,
id wait till he leaves for australia."
"ahahhahahhaha..australia."
"yea australia.. you studied lately?"


and we were off talking about other things.
but i kept going back to what he said
about potter guy leaving for australia.


pleeease tell me james nan's just kidding.
id give anything for him to tell me,
"nah i was just fooling.. you know me!"
it drives me crazy sometimes
but i need to hear that!


then again: why should i give a damn?
he can migrate to antarctica for all i care.
say hi to those igloos for me, yo?


wait.. igloos are..
aargh whatever.


anyways.
i hope to get a new guitar by 18 april(:


mom wants to invest my money.
or something like that.
she was telling me about it over dinner just now.
but i just had no clue what she was trying to explain.


then i told her,
"you can do whatever you wanna do
with my money, mom, i know and you know
i trust you and i was thinking
if you could get me a new guitar
asap because."


i could never tell me the reason why because her face changed.


i quickly said:
"i mean, if i could get myself a new guitar..
yea."


she didn't move a single face muscle.


sigh. i got back to the topic of 'my money' as quickly as i changed it.
"okie so you were saying about my money in the bank..?"


i don't care.
im gonna get myself a guitar.
by 18 april.
hrmph.


term 2 starts tomorrow.
im not looking forward
yet i am.


another reason to add to the list:
"term breaks make you not want to return to school.."
no matter how much you miss your friends.


its the teachers, really!!

no i haven't finish my hols ass. signments.

i know nuts about trigonometry!!! i blame miss teo lee loo. anyway, have you seen her around school lately? she seems so at ease(: yup..ever since she aint teaching us anymore.

she owes us big.

i haaate this new layout like i hate that moby song. aaarrggghhhh. what have i done..

guess i just needed a break from the work ive been doing lately. but it seems like im never going to finish.. this is depresssinggg.

i hate breaks. every time i take one, it would turn out more than just a break..

like last night. i would die if i continued trying to do those trigo sums. so before i went insane, i urged supraman to 'come save me'. ahah.

it was almost midnight and knowing him, he would be awake. duh he's a superhero.

so we started talking. ive always said: the flo of conversation is unpredictable. but i didn't realized it could be frighteningly..uhh..lets just say its one heck of a time consuming activity.

okie lame. but you know what im trying to say. it was almost 3 and i hadn't done anythiiiing!!!! except reminiscing about those days where we used to go, "hakuna matata!! no worries!!!" .....

during that 2 hours i could have finished all the sciences worksheeets!!! and maybe a trigo sum, if i were luckyy..

i lack discipline. i think i left it in the closet...somehow. and its all dusty and collecting cobwebs. probably boogeyman has it for supper already.

even supraman or any superhero cant help me now. im on my own.

the title has nothing to do with today's entry(:

my sister's friend once told her, who later told me, that she thought i looked scary. aww come onnnn...... today this guy from school actually ran when he saw me.

imagine how hurt i was.

ahhahahahahahahahahha.

(i felt some what superior, more like. murhahahhahahahha)

i was meeting nana at ang mo kio mrt this morning. and i was well..i wasn't late. she was the early one(((: anyway yea. so i was on this bus and this guy from school--okie specifically, he was one of potter-guy's friend--boarded that same bus.

i didn't see him. but i felt his presence. i felt him looking at this all-to-familiar girl in orange, working her thumbs out on her phone..(me). i didnt' have to look at him to recognize him though. hes the type of person who's very easy to spot.

another thing was that as soon as he realized i was there standing, he was probably going in his head, "nerr..maybe ill just stand here by the door and yea, maybe chat with the driver or something?"

what im trying to say: the bus wasnt really crowded and there was some space but he didn't budge. he didn't move any further than beyond the farecard machine.

wait till i tell you what happened next.

the bus reached the stop outside the mrt and, since he was nearest to the door, he was the first to got off. he kind of used the entrance door while i used the exit door. so when i got off, we kind of ..... intercepted each other. hahahhaha.

what..!? i cant find any other word~

there wasn't any eye contact done or anything. he probably thouught i didn't see him. so/and he started running. off or away from me. who knows??

hahhahaha. im talking about sprinting here!!! as though some lion was after him for his balls.

i was going, "nerrr..ohkayye. erm. nahh, he's just late or something.."

and i got into the station and from the corner of my eye, i saw him again..with his other friend, looking my way as if i were that lion after his balls only just that this time he was prepared to throw a stick at me or something.

i should have roared..i mean, said.. hi. and freaked them out. aaaaaaahhahaaha.aa

i was like telling this to nana and going, "daaaamn you should have seen him runn!!!!!! wait, he should have seen himself run.. no wrong. you should have seen me seeing him run!!!! i was like, duuude you dropped your balls on the wayy."

nana had to punch me to shut me up.

i was just so so.. puzzled by that weird behaviour. towards me or not, it still bugs me.. whats up???! was it my orange sweater? or my gdad's slippers? (haha yea.. i had them on. they're just sooo comfortable.) if so, what about it!??!

moving on.

deep breath*

nana and i went sunny bookstore to return some books and then walked to cine where we met miss angela lim! and sisters. hahahhaha. watched lemony snicket's series of unfortunate events.. ((: ahaaaahah. such a sweet ending(: anyways yea. then we took neos. we tried something new and it turned out fuckistic(: whos idea? moi. had lunch at long john's. chilled out. got home(:

it sounded boring to you all but what do you know right?? hehh. i left out lots of deets la, obviously(:

funn fun fuuunnnnn~~~ should do it more often. but sigh. told myself: that's it. enough fun to last me this whole week. gotta studyyyy!!!

yea. gots to study.

laters.

but daaamn i wish i could have seen him run (from me) like that aagain!!!! my face was like O_o"!!! that, and add orange and gdad's slippers. aaaahahaha.

awright..now thinking about it: gawd i wore my gdad's slippers down orchard... x__x!!!!!

last night. caffeine stayed in me till 4(: i love you, caffeine.

what did i do till 4.. i did my emaths, which fyi right? i failed by just one frigging mark.. aarggh!! but sweet dennis goh(hahahhahaha) put a 50 in my progress report(:

other than my maaths.. i just couldn't help it but..irgh..play my guitar. aaahh hate that phrase: play my guitar. i mean, its not like im anywhere near good at it. haha. but hey, like maths, practising playing makes perfect.

so i could play the chorus of true by cabrera(((: and i played it to noratiah online and she said it was good. no wait. she said: "it..was..ok." ....ohwells.

cousin elly was going through the photos on my camera phone, laughing and going 'awwwsh!!' at almost every single picture i took of my cats..or any cats that come my way. and she would show it to cousin lili who would then show it to aunt mia, who would

okie yea. what im trying to say is that they love those pictures. it seemed to crack them up like hell.

cousin elly suggested i take up photography!!! she was like, "you're good.. you managed to capture the essence of every picture you took."

i was like, "goshh..you don't say!" ahahha. honestly. photography never crosses my mind.... as i browsed through the photos i took, i realized, damnn shes riight. im good.

but before anything gets serious, shouldn't i need to get myself a camera first??? or shouldn't someone get me one??? ahah. im talking about camera caaameraaaaa.. and while you're at it, build me my very own gallery. or studio. or this particular room where you wash the film. or something.

hahahhahahha damn i know nuts.

talk about nuts......... aunt mia screamed to me this morning, "elaaaa! mac, your cat, has only one testicle!!"

i thought something tragic happened and as i was running out of my room, i was preparing myself and looking out so as not to step on anything that might happened to roll my way.

unfortunately, nothing gruesome happened. and unfortunately too, aunt mia was right. my darling cat has only a testicle!!!!!!!

i can't believed it never noticed it before!! there in the middle of the room, mac lied flat on his back looking smug, and showing the whole world his.. unique.. manhood features.

"okiee..there's a new discovery.." me, in awe.
"you didnt noticed it before??? all these while...." aunt mia.
"hey, its not like me to stare at cats' balls!"
"maybe its cancer.." my gmum, feeling it. yes she did. and mac gave a little yelp.
"why did you do that for!?" me, disgusted.
"you should go to the vet." aunt mia.
"hitler had one ball. he was perfectly healthy and fine, considering he led germany and all those historical events that followed after ww2.." (thank you, mr choy.)

...could my cat be an reincarnation (?) of adolf hitler... jeng jeng jeng.

hhahahahaha. nahhhh!

yea. yesterday. last day of term one(: welcoming the hols with arms wide openn.

bring it on.

initially i wasnt really looking forward to hols. i mean, id rather go school see wedgie!! and study ha ha right. it is my Os and im determined to heed hans' advice to put my heart, mind and soul(: into it.

then again, hannan did kindar bring up a point. to enjoy the hols first and then study like hell. "dont worry. you can do it. youll do better than me," he said.

duude. thats like the last thing im worried about. and no i don't mean it in a rude way. tsk. i meant that im in no competition with him.

yea. its important that you get your point across coherently and clearly. don't want people to start 'assuming' things now, do you?

i told you. i just think too much.

i had 3 cups of coffee. having the fourth now. tend to stay up till morning next day(: or the day after the next. ahahha. you may never know.. i mean, 4 cups a little too much, don't you think!?

i woke up at 3 today anyway(: heh.

had a supa cool dream. i was a vampire slayerr!!! haiiyak dush! arh-bish!! pow!pow!! (: i woke up finding myself punching my delfy.

ahhakiddding.

anyways ar. last nigth right? i did something stupid.. got him all worked up which got me all nervousy. he apologized in the end but i didnt accept his apology.

damn that rhymed(:

i didn't accept it because it wasnt his fault. but i didn't think he get it. his wild assumption was that probably i was offended by him.

you see what i meant when i mentioned earlier: its important to get your point across!!!! im angry with myself.

thanks tabi, for being there for meee. i didn't thought she'd be awake. because it was almost midniight. in the middle of it all, it was me who ended up falling asleep....

that fridayy..had lunch with meyaa after school. dare i say lunch with her was..hahahha, formal??? in a good way though(:

i mean, it was a refreshing change. unlike lunch with sriee, nj or nabila. usually..very rowdy. im not complaining or anything(:

sometimes changes are good, you know?

meya and i chitchat. yeaa.. we talked. there was no 'i talk you listen' kindar thing. or 'you talk cuz i dno wad to say'. which is what im usually am with most people, you see..... shrug shrug.

it was a nice change(:

i learnt that sometimes things are just not meant to be. and i just don't mean relationships between a couple..

you try to change things.. or you want to.. but in the end nothings happened. then you sit and reflect and realize: maybe this is it. maybe im not meant to change it. because this is how its supposed to be.

there's nothing you can do. except to learn to accept it.

then there's the other problem: you just can't.

thats when you gotta put everything behind you and bloody move on.

not easy. tell me about it.. to lose a friend is as tough as to keep one.

warning: supa long entry.. to make up for those entryless days.

okie not really. ahah.

lets start things off with this..survey thingie i painstakingly copied off from noratiah larry's(: i like the questions. you've got a problem? i believe not.

before that.. just to say my comment box aint working. i think? i cant seem to post comments. so id like to say it here:

thanks so much, vanessa and noratiah (my best net buddy!!!). you guys truly are the best(((:

[i have]: memorize the tabs to true by cabrera by heart
[i wish]: i can play it half as nice as he does though.. -pouts.
[i hate]: this coming march hols!!
[i miss]: my wedgie! (:
[i fear]: my Os.
[i love]: all of you!!
[i care]: for every single one of you vermins.
[i always]: procrastinate.
[i dance]: because its what i do.
[i cry]: very easily.
[i do not always]: do the washes. who does, tell me? if you do, just shut up.
[i write]: because its my passion.
[i confuse]: everyone?
[i can usually be found]: at home.
[i need]: to stop procastinating!!!!

-self analysis-
[your best feature (personality)]: im supa nice to people. i can make people laugh because im silly and full of wit. able to look at things in different and better perspectives.

[your biggest flaw (personality)]: i bore. and im bloody shy. and i make bad first impressions. im just paranoid. i think too much.

[most annoying thing you do]: when i babble senseless

[biggest mistake youve made this far]: not making the first move (on something).... not paying attention during physics...and bio.....and chem..and emaths. what, this is serious matter okie!..

[whats the biggest misconception about you?]: people think im this supa smart straight-a kid. and that im proud and i do not have problems.

[describe yourself]: unwritten, undefined and unwell. im unwritten because its not that theres no words to describe me. there's alot of words to describe. and because there's so much, its unwritten. im undefined because there's more in me than what you see with your pretty eyes. im this alot of person in one (tiny) body. im a bit of everyone altogether. lastly im unwell. hahha. for very apparent reasons....:p

there. done!!!!! (:

the only fun thing we did today in school was when we were at the lab to check out what careers suit us. or something. ahaha. we had that instead of assembly. imagine how thrilled i was.

social. creative. administrative. ahha. cool. how do you see me as a child care assistant? or an arts teacher..? hahhahaha. unlikely?

being an author has no real pay. a social worker doesn't earn much too but really, the money doesnt bother me. whats important is the passion and capability(:

but really la.. its not much lor. a librarian's pay is so much satisfying. hey i love books. but i love people more.

honestly? honestly ive got other things to worry about. not that my future is not important or anything but ive got priorities.

gotta start serious mugging soon. urgh. i keep sayign that but nothing's happen!! im sure im not any smarter than last week.

maybe like what mrs o said.. we dont have the driiive to study.

what drives me? .....joel madden. okie that drives me to orgasm more like.

anyways. we made eye contact!! no not joel madden, no. nabila will kill me(: ahha. im talking about someone else here. stay with me, people!! tsk. hehe.

we made eye contact twiiiiiice. ahaha. the feeling. ooohgosh. first time, we locked eyes. then looked away. and glimpsed and locked again. bingo.

an accomplishment. usually i would be flushing bright red by then. or worst, avoiding. which always result in regrets. haha. you get me..

and sriee had to spoil it by purposely brushing against him.

i never hurl vulgarities at sriee. i usually do it with her. and just now was an exception. did that felt good, mann. hehhe

nahh..(: we're cool, we're cool.

lina is pissing me off and before i thrash the computer in her face, id better click publish.

my gmum passed away): father's side gmum. but still my gmum.. and even though our relationship was constrait after dad's death....and the whole money thing with my mother, i still cared and loved her so.

hais.. and just this morning i was telling sriee about this lame scary story my late gmum used to share with me when i was a kid.

wonder what would happen if it were *my* gmum.. who has been with me since the day i was born.. probably the first to carry me. she was the first to everything; to milk me(not her milk, though!!), to bathe me, to feed me, change me..basically to tolerate me. a year later, lina came along. then four years after that, baby syak......her work suddenly became tougher.

that's why we used to have every single of my cousins over (now all grown up and doing their thiing) to give gmum a helping hand with my sister..who is the yongest in the whole huuge family tree. well, not including noah in canada that is..

i liked having the cousins over gmum's house..(: yes, crowded, but hell lot of fun. we were just kids having a blast under one roof. almost everyday after school. i wasn't schooling yet so..yea. but they were. now everyone of them are all grown up and trying to get them over together right now is like trying to mice into a cage.

there would be erwin, who's married now(: and then lili, a teacher in njc. elly, who used to bring along her skateboard and made me sit on it when i was a toddler.. sabrina, a teacher too, in a preschool. noris..havent heard of her since. faizal..a budding doctor and then shafiq..poly now. and me, gonna sit for my os. lina, on a honeymoon. and lastly, syak...whatever is it shes doing.

my parents were hardly at home. both out working. that's why i was the closest with my gmum. but no, i wasnt her favourite grandchild or anything. hahha. she had been taking care of her other grandchildren before me, and i believe i wasnt really the ideal grandchild a grandmother would dream to have. hahhaha. i admit, awriiiighttt..

but i really looked up to her back then. i remembered having to write an essay on the person i admire most. and i wrote about her. when i went to momma for help, and she found out i was writing about her fat mother, she was, i guess, stumped.

then my dad lost his job or something. and yea. he didn't work ever since. so we saw alot of him at home and started to bond and stuff. yeaa.. the reason why i was a daddy's giiiirl. now this, i can say i was his favourite child. even momma said so!!

whatever i wanted, he'd give me. like a gameboy. i was 8. but i wasn't a spoilt brat or anything.. i didn't remember asking anythign more. it seemed i already had everything an 8 year old would ever wanted(: no, i wasn't stupid. i was taught not to be materialistic(:

so i was closer to him than i was with my mother.. even when she was at home, i couldnt' really feel it. it was sad. it was like as if i hadn't got a mother. i believed i didn't like her anyway. she was strict, unreasonable and fat.

then my dad passed away and i had no choice but to stick with her. you know, i hadn't hugged her so tight like i did on the night dad passed away.. his death taught us to value one another..while we still can.

the things the four of us been through together was undescribable. but we made it. that was four years ago.

now momma and i, we're more like friends. friends is good. but we gotta remember we're more than that. im her daughter and shes my mother. sometimes we tend to forget that...

like when i call her by her name instead(..trust one of my close mates to have the same name as my mother!!!!). and there are times where momma would grumble whenever i tell her of my sudden urges for chicken rice. "can't you have your urges tomorrow?? im so lazy to go out.." i would go: "but im your daughterrr.. you cant expect me to starve, riiiiight!?"

momma still work, longer hours than ever before.. i miss having her around. im stuck with my gmum, her husband, and my two loser sisters.

it would definitely be different if dad were still here. like for example, i wouldn't hate my sisters more like i did back then, my room won't always be in a mess(dad always did the cleaning up..since he was the one at home while we were schooling) and i would have my own proper guitar!!..

but the hero in this is not me. or momma. but my gmum. if it weren't for her, we would probably suffer. what, no breakfast, no lunch, no dinner!? hahha. we depend on her more than ever after dad's death. it was like when we were toddlers all over again. she made sure we had 3 meals a day, we bathed(haha), we went to school and back etc.

if she would have gone, i don't know what id do. the responsibilities would go to me and i don't think i can carry them out as smoothly the way she does it. its a miracle she didn't pack her stuffs half way and decide to live with my aunty(: like what i would do if i were her. haha.

my gmum means the world to me(:

to my other gmum who passed away, rest in peace and may Allah bless your soul..amin.

how time flies, huh? its friday.. agaain. this is funny. ive never thought i would feel this way on a friday. i almost dread it.

anyways. i had my share of fun today. so. this is life huh? one minute you're on a rollercoaster ride.. ooh wahh.. and having the time of your life. and then it abruptly stops and there. off you go now.

chemistry was first period and we played with models of alkanes. ahah i guess thats what its called.

then we had emaths, and we got a new kid in our group. oh, nobody new. its just wilson and yea, everybody loathes him(:

don't get me wrong. im really over the whole his-pen-hit-me-on-my-back thing. but he is just so so irritatiiing!!

but unlike someone, i didn't go around making it obvious that id loved to hit his face with my shoe.. hahaha. im talking about winnie here.. shes just so open with her thoughts. she speaks her mind, that fatass. if i were wilson, i would cry(:

guys do the weirdest things in dennie's class. first the whole tic-tac-toe thing between chengxi and poh hong. now, some dart throwing among xingwai, linus, hannan, justin, alvin and weijie. both activities making use of the boards.

who says maths with dennis goh is boring?

obviously dem-boys found some magnetic thingie which yea, sticks to the board when they throw it like darts. and the target was this small spot which was represented by the letters DG. yea. dennie's initials.

without dennie looking, they would take turns throwing the magnetic 'dart' and trying to hit bulls eye. or in this case, his ass. yea which was on the board. you get what im sayiing!!!!!!!!!

superb how dennie didn't noticed this whole thing going on under his very nose. maybe he chose to ignore it? whatever. just keep it up.

recess. i walked right into this auntie pushing the.. trolley.. you know the one the cleaners throw their garbage in? yea. that one. im such a klutz):

lucky i didn't fall right in. then again, i wished i had. didn't make me any less of a klutz.

on the way to english after maths, we bumped into potter-guy. sriee then said

"he has a mole!"
"..now why would you know something like that, weirdo?"
"i saw it..? duh?"
"...ohyea."

paranoid feeling number one: sriee likes him. i know i know!!! come on.. so she notices him first before you usually do, that doesn't mean she likes hiiim!

i told her to stop looking at him. triggers to paranoid feeling number two: i like him. and im jealous that she gets to look at him because i can't bring myself to. even though i don't want to.

suucks.

happened again after school. sriee just had to mention him.. "your sweetheart," she cooed as he walked past. i just smiled coolly and reminded her my heart goes to wedgie and only wedgie.

i had trouble walking up the stairs when wedgie was walking down. i had to hold the banister for support, wishing it was him instead. sigh.

ahahahhahahhahah sadist.

after school, had lunch at kfc with nabla, nj and sriee... had a laughing good time. never laughed that hard since emaths this morning(:

forget wedgie. nabila, nj and sriee are my source of motivation to wake up every morning and to actually look forward to school(:

i wish i can write every single lines, every single haha the four of us spoke..(((:

we got back to school after that. nj and sriee had band. nabla, jocelyn and i watched the rugby match: peirce versus unity. jeng jeng jeng. haha. we lost, by the way..

got home at around.. 5 to 5.30. and that's also because nabila dragged me out of school. i would have stayed longer with jocelyn. for kicks. heh.

missed hannan. i blamed nabila for that. hah.

but i had one of the most memorable convo with him just now. we were just talking talking. flo of conversation is unpredictable, you see... and next thing was, i was sharing with him stuffs i never thought i would share with a guy. and stuffs which i have been trying my best to avoid talking about.

sometimes the people you feel the most comfortable with, is not the people whom you expect to be.

okie so it sounds really cool and stuff, but no. no vengence whatsoever. im still the same.

im not sorry for not blogging because it seems nobody even realized. im not complaining. im just saying. im really fine with this whole blog of mine being unnoticed. i think i like it this way.

but i know hans reads daily, if not more often than some of you.. pfft. haha. he doesn't do comments. maybe i should put a taggie.

maybe i should blog, that's what~

let me summarize what happened these past few days i didn't blogged.... let me tell you beforehand that im afraid i cannot keep the promise of keeping it as short and sweet like yours truly. assume ive promised. actually i did, just not out loud because i know in the end im not going to stick to it anyway..

hahhahaha i just missed blogging, that's all!!! hahahha. look at the rate im going!!!!!! im unstoppable!!

monday the 28th of february.. we kindar made mrs o cry.. ): she left the class in tears. and sharon bahbah and claire ran after her with a packet of tissue. but she was fine after that(: we wrote an apology letter and circled it around so everybody could sign.

we're a nice class. they just don't see it.

monday the 28th was also the release of the o levels results. nerves-shattering? an understatement. wished i were there but oh wells. my turn will come.

nabLa, salmia and i had a funn time stalking atiqa surreptitiously from the computer lab after IT media.... we kindar ditched her and left her alone while she struggled with the computer. so she thought. hahha. all the while we were outside, hiding and waiting for her to come out.

when she eventually did, we followed close by. but she took the stairs all the way to the ground floor while we stopped at the second. so she was walking across the parade square while we were taking the route just outside the ava, which is just.. right across her in full view. duh!

the 3 of us fell flat down for cover. but weren't fast enough.. dang.. but hehh it was hilarious.

we ditched salmia next. heh. but wasnt as fun. because she ended up chasing us. was panting like crazy after that.. hahha.

tuesday first of march.. irgh. my first pink slip. but it wasn't even late lor. ive reached school even laterrr.. what's up, maan....

was about to go to class and the vp totally caught me off guard.. asked why i was late. so i told him, i bloody told him, "i left my house a little late. i apologize, sir."

i know i know!!! where did that come from!?!?! hannan probably heard me because when i got into the class(vp caught me just outside), he was like looking at me in a different way...

wednesday.. late aaaagaain. but no, no pink slip. ahah. thank gawd.. you should see what they had written on it.... "you should reach school by 7.15!" and "late for school is bad for your conduct!" or something like that.

anyway yea. i don't know if its just me or what but i saw him smirking like a casheire cat that tuesday when i was kanna tahan for late coming.....

i knew i was late. but i don't think it'd be cool to let the kids know that. so i took a place at the end of the class next to weijie.. then xianyao was like saying there was some space behind sharon.... ohkayy but what if i didnt feel like moving?

but i did. and i was like making such a scene. ahaha. hi hello excuse me ourff sorryy excuuuuse meee dammit thanks ooh ow yea thanks sorry!!

dennie a clumsyass.. he tripped over the projector wire and.. my desk. gave me such a shock i almost swallowed my bubble gum.

i wished i was writing a descriptive compo on 'a new teacher'. sriee and joan seow seemed to be having lots of fun observing dennie; from the stuffs he keeps in his pocket to the 1987 SAF pencil holder on his table.

thursday. today!! -rubs hands together-. today rocks! even 2 periods of physics was awright.

the whole time i was scribbling on this piece of roough paper i found in my textbook.. squeezing my creatice juices.. waiting for inspiration to write something beautiful. but it wasn't easy because chengxi, poh hong, weijie and alvin were playing nearby....

everyone was doing their own thiiing.

chengxi was sitting beside me, i dont know what gives. and he was tossing poh hong's liquid pen to weijie who was trying to catch it.. or something. i gave weijie this totally bored and lazy look, hoping he'd get the idea. i really couldn't be bothered. just as long as i didn't get hit, im cool.

i did got hit. well. by wilson's pen though. and i lost my cool. he was right behind and probably attempting to twirl his pen. i say attempt because in the end, the pen came flying off his fingertips and hit me on the back.

come on, wilson.. you can twirl all you want but never coolly. its inevitable. every 30 seconds, you will hear the pen drop and hitting the book. seems like nothing but really, it kills.

he could even ask me to pick it up for him. hello!? i didn't of course.. i stared at the pen as though it was a wilson himself. hahaha. im such a bitch.

we had cip after school(: to AWWA home. it was the class boys minus xianyao and lolenzo and 6 girls including me.. yea well. it was fun!(:

sriee, songzhi and i were assigned this room to clean. it was already cleaned though.... so i didn't see why we should clean it again.

but sriee swept the floor and songzhi mopped anyway. i on the other hand, sat down and chit chat with the old lady(:

okie so she is chinese and i know nuts about chinese, but that's what makes it so fun(: i talked to her using hand gestures.. turned out she knows english!!!!!! well, a little bit(:

old lady offered me mandarin oranges.. and.. a packet of expired biscuits.....

sriee knows a little chinese and she could hold a conversation with the lady better than i could.. no surprise. fyi, sriee took chinese as second language when she was young.. envious....

sriee was having backaches after sweeping the floor and she was like rubbing her back like an old grandmotherr. i managed to catch that on my camera and she was swearing and cursing. had to hide behind the old lady because she was charging me with the broom.

the old lady laughed(: and that was like music to my ears((:

after that, we helped to hand out food suppliess.... had to send them all in a trolley to the ground floor. it was just songzhi, sriee and i and seriously, we needed more help than that.

pfft the classs boys thuuuuck.. they done their part and were chilling out and bitching about dennis goh.. but thank gawd yuping, novi and ken were there to give us a helping hand(: hahahhahah.. so funnn.

played with the trolley and i returned with a bruised ankle.. all thanks to ken!!! iirggh! hahha. but forgiven her after she offered to let me sit on her lap instead of on the floor. aww.. but felt awkward because suddenly i was like a head taller then everyone else there.

justin played the piano good(:

i don't mind going there again(: maybe during my free time i might....

it's really not that bad! maybe im just lucky but no, there isn't any scrubbing of toilets or anything. okie if you find that gross, than you thuuuck. think of the experience(: and that glowy feeling you'll have at the end of the day.