ou know whats the most hateful word one can say? 'whatever'. yea. 'whatever'. irgh its so.. pisses me off. please use the word 'fine' instead, for crying out loud. thank you very much.

fine. who am i to tell you what to say, huh. haha. you might throw things at me.

emaths was last period. we knew mr goh wasnt present today. ..instead of going INto his class where sustitute mr tan was waiting(oblivious obviously), we simply walked straight passed the class ...................

(:(:(:

of course we didnt get away with it. conscience kicked in and we gave in. but you cant blame us for trying. its the second day of school, see. we're still trying to get use to it. i know i havent.

but we were dismissed early thanks to wilson and justin..?

but tuesday was so bio. nuh uh you didnt read it wrong. bio, in my dictionary and i bet the rest of the kids in class too, also means 'boring'. or maybe its the teacher.. ): sad.

well if you consider surviving means 'sleeping through it', then yea. i hereby proudly say, i survived mrs jeya's bio class.

)': there's another period with her tomorrow. )':

we talked about blogging during cme(and english). ..we did some discussion and mrs o wanted 2 'interesting blogs'. almost instantly norine and i thought of eldwen's (:(:

ryan suggested my bloggo... hm. well, she got my url all wrong so i guess nahh no harm. and mrs o pronounced my name wrong? what? lee-la? haha!?

you know whats the most hateful thing one can do? is to pronounce someone else's name wrongly. its insulting to me, you know. ive been her student since i stepped here and she still couldn get my name right? haha!? hahah!!?!?

its not her fault la, i suppose.

you know what? today's discussion kind of made me think. blogging is a good stress buster, a great time-killer, your very own bitcho-centre(i made that up.. hm. dont ask.). its all fun and games.

but its like having your own room complete with a waterbed, a stereo and a karaoke set, cable tv, posters of your favourite band/your own band?/porn stars, a mini fridge with plenty of supply of cornetto ice-cream, your guitars and amplifiers and speakers and most importantly, *no school books!* ....... but surround you are transparent walls.

people out there can look and see what you're up to and that is kindar wrong. the attention's enjoyable but sooner or later, it's really gonna suck.

blogging = sharing and sharing is fun (: even though they dont drop comments here, i know people actually read my shits. and i like it that they read because that's what this whole thing is all about, right?

yea you may like it that people drop by your blog and read and actually enjoy it (i get that alot.. hahaha! hm. what? a girl cant brag?). until you find out exactly who reads it.

im sure you'll be all cautious and wary the next time you blog. and then you'll go, "oh my god he/she reads my blog!??! oh no!!! this is bad! this is bad!! what's he/she gonna think of me now!? oh no! i must be careful of what i blog." yadayadayada.

i know. because i feel so. ha ha.

its really ironic, thats all it is.

i found out this friend of mine knows so much about me and i freaked out when she mentioned something i didnt remember telling her or wanting to, for that matter. and she told me she reads my blog frequently..and "liking it"(sorry, i just must add that. haha..). the point is: now that she knows about it, its scary because the thought is like being stalked.. i shouldnt mentioned that bit in my bloggo. but its too late now, isnt it?

you may go, let them read its okay i want them to. but after they do, and after knowing who they are, you may start to think otherwise.

ive thought about it. i think im shutting down this blog.

ill give you sometime to recover.

....

i wouldn call shawtiz-rule.blogspot my sanctuary because i dont really share every single thing here. and that sucks because i want to but ive known better not to.

i want privacy where i can say anything i feel without having doubts(or worries about the person who it may concern stumbling upon my bloggo). i want to break down these transparent walls and replace it with steel bricks.

okie yea. ill still be blogging though but im not putting it up where everyone and anybody can have access to it. i want to keep it a low-pro and only for my eyes.

im tired of sharing. ..im scared of sharing.

first day of term 3.. it started ah-okay. i didnt walk out my house with my bag unzipped, or my blouse unbuttoned. at least nobody came up to me to tell me so.

despite the teacher (couldnt recall who) dropping the bombshell on us and announcing o'levels oral on this 30th of june, everything was kindar peachy (:(: especially towards the end. hhurhur.

have i told you i have this feeling cindy's gonna make it biiiig one day!? hahha. i walked home with da 'racist' bastard today and it was a good change (: she has my english-malay dictionary with her and i want it back. asap. orals on the 6th of july. right after my birthday. ..right after my birthdayy!! )':

a girl couldnt ask for any other gift better than that.

aargh its so hard to get hannan alone. but whenever he is, im not. im dying to know how his band's audition went yesterday.

"like how i always say: just have fun and kick some judges' butt and it will be fine. if you ever pulled a jeya(the whole voice thing), just do much as you can to cover it up. like how miss peru did when she almost tripped. you get my idea, right?"

"(hahaha) but i want to be miss canada you know? the winner."

"but miss peru is da winner in our hearts. hah. see, it doesnt matter if you dont win. but if you do win, then thats really great."

yeaaa we adore miss peru 2005!!!!! hhahahaha (:(: but thats beside the point la. he was really nervous, i could tell.

i rushed immediately out after emaths(last period) just hoping to catch him at the stop. said bye to cindy, ryan and joan without trying to sound grateful that they were leaving and almost immediately salmia called out for me from behind. i love salmia but.. darn iit.

maybe tomorrow.

sometimes i have this weird thought that.. you know... yea. okay you dont know. hm.

having survived all 5 consecutive lessons without tempting to skip any(still holiday mode..give me another week or so), i figured i deserved a little reward. ha ha.

whenever i feel ive been good, i reward myself (:(: i think its a good thing to do, you know? these kind of things you cannot expect your friends to understand. haha.

anyway yea. the reward. ice cream!!! haha. mr softie to be precise. it was salmia's idea. and turned out she loves chendol mr softie just like i dooooooo!!!!!!!

salmia should work at a mr softie little shop or something. you know? she's good at twirling it. its like she has a connection with the machine. haha. i couldnt control it!! my twirls came out all retorted!!

at first we went to have our chendol mr softie at the 7eleven's near macs. then we went to another 7eleven's nearer our houses. haha! the machine's there kinda suck. went out of control and the ice cream came out like water from the tap. so yea.

we didnt expect this at all. and salmia was like, "lela! make it stop!!" and i was like, "oh! oh! okay!!" so i pushed the tap down.

the ice cream came gushing out more. ..yea i suck.

haha but it was fun.

it was pretty hot outside so we didnt want our ice cream to melt. so i suggested we 'go to an airconditioned place' and salmia reckoned the minimart.

i refused to step inside. when i said airconditioned, i meant a place more like.. the macs just next door?? naturally.. there are seats in macs and in the minimart, there are just aisles of canned food and whatnots. need i say the obvious?

we ended up not finishing mr softie. haha. i think it should cost a dollar fifty instead of fifty cents because really..its alot. haha.

salmia wanted to get some food in 7eleven's so i waited for her ouside. and this really cute malay guyy walked paaaast.

okay dont roll your eyes at me. im 16 and my hormones are not something i can control (:(: anyway i was deprived of this for a month now. one girl can only hold on for so long.

salmia got her stuff, went out and was like, "lelaa did you see that malay guy!?!?" I was marvelled. did she have some sort of a hot-guy radar thing installed or something!? then we started gushing and giggling and yea. salmia claims his brother's cuterr. haha. nuh uh i dont know. i think i can settle for this one. (:(:(:

so we got home and i was crossing the carpark and he was right across!! haha! i hope salmia saw this.

..first day of term 3. can you believe it? 5 more days till the weekend. and a long weekend if im not wrong..? i cant wait.

im just not used to staring at my face early in the morning doing my hair. heck. im not used to doing my hair at all. but yea. i need to look decent for school, whether i like it or not.

o'levels malay oral on the 6th of july!!!! !!! !!! ! !! ! !! ! !!!!

you know you're bored when you find yourself reading every single paragraph of every single column of every single page of the magazine.. and reading it out loud expressively with different voices for the interviewer and the interviewee respectively.

it was funn (: until my mom caught me and thought i was talking to myself.

-cries-. im doomed.

its not that ive nothing to do. ironically ive got tons of things to be done!! oh, nothing new. nothing much. just homework and more homework which should be dued by term 3 which is less than 48 hours away.

what?? ohh im a-okaay! (: considering im doomed. but im okay! (:(:

i think on the 12 of july.. shaun chen will be appearing on channel 5!!! ahhh!!!!!! aaaahhh!!! !hahhaha!! hahahahah!!!!! shaun chen!!!!! he will be on heartlanders 4. heh. with vincent ng, aaron aziz and julian hee..heheheh.

sigh. this is bad. i think ive practically memorised every single word in the july issue of lime.

im gonna miss this; blogging..with a free mind, mind you!! not having to worry if there's a test ive totally forgotten about.. or if ive got the correct definition for isotopes.. (so its one of the easiest question to be asked for chemistry, but believe it or not, i still tend to get mixed up!!)

lets all look at the bright side. lets make a list shall we? there's gotta be something i can gratefully look forward to to term 3.....

okie. there's.. uh. him. definitely. am looking forward to see him so bad.. (:(: so its unhealthy. but i cant really think of any other things. wait, let me try again....

oh god nothing!!.. okie wait. no. ive got it. school prepares me for the big bad O's. yea. without school, id die when the O's come because i would be clueless. (touch wood!!!!)

then again, no school means no O's. haaaahh. ..but no O's means no future=no job=no money. no money no tax... hah!!! but.. no tax then our standard of living will drop. and then we will all suffer. why? because we are too lazy to go to school!!!!

yea!!! haha!!!!!!! now im motivated. hell yea. come on, school cant be that bad. just.. you know, happy thoughts!! haha. dont let the vp, disicpline mistress, teachers or any students(especially them students!!) bring you down.

sigh. ^ the caffeine talking.

im staying up tonight. it would be the last night before term 3. who's with me? ..wonder whats hannan up to.

..i was having one of those feeling: that i wanna be somewhere, i wanna go anywhere..but home. not that something's wrong with my home. my home's great.

i just dont feel like going back so soon.

hung out with nana at the canteen while waiting for her chem lesson when i should be having geography going home. even she was like, "go home lar, lelaa. go home and play your guitar."

what, i cant be here stoning with my friend!? i miss her loads la.. Crazy and still as vulgar as ever, nanawaty rais.

i envy those people who can just, you know, talk..about whatever under the sun. random shit and stuff. about what they have done, events that happened, gonna happen you get my idea. im talking about spontaneity.

i was just sitting there beside nana, listening to her talk (: and i went like, wow this girl can go on forever.. hahha. of course, i mean it in a good way. actually id take it as a compliment, seeing that im not really much of a talker or a conversationalist and haaating it!

who'd wanna have a conversation with a tombstone? i bet the tombstone's far more interesting than i am..? hahha. ..no, no. im fine, really. im just saaaying. so you could get an idea what type of bullshit i can be..

when nana asked me 'whats been happening', i just.. blanka (as quoted from hannan)! dont get me wrong, things have been happening even im not thaaaaaaaaaat boring. see how much i put an emphasis on that? yea. take note!

talk? i can talk. i feel i talk too much sometimes too. thing is, trying to get me to open up is like trying to open a can without the can-opener. sure, inventions have make it less tricky to open cans now but still.. you need lots of patience and understanding with me.

did i tell you i oversleep yesterday, hence didnt attend school? (: though i could still come for amaths, history and physics, i didnt because..aw man. give me a break. its the hols!!

so i came today, to find out there's no emaths!!!!!! i was like all psyched up but in the end, no maths! so it was just ken, sriee, hannan, valencia and i, and a couple of other kids who didnt know about the change.

miss v. tan intimidates me.. and i hate being intimidated. who does?

she asked me why i was absent the day before. naturally she was a little disturbed about it. so why was she smiling..? hells yea she was smiling. really wide too.

i told her i overslept. lame. pfft.. cliche. whatever. its the truth. ..well, partially. but i know she knows i was too lazy... it was raining yesterday, helluu!!? i know, silly excuse but hey. im just being the 16-year-old teenage girl that i am.

"overslept? so it's your alarm clock's fault la?"

the polite, out-of-this-world-ly responsible part of me wanted to go, "no, ma'am. it was my fault. i kept hitting the snooze button which in the end didnt work quite right, which is my fault. i apologize for my absence and ill make sure it wont happen again."

but remember how i mentioned she was smiling from ear to ear, it drove me insane. i wasnt sure if i should be serious or.. you know, kid around a little. show her a little wit. so in the end i just smiled dumbly at her.

"so what happens now? you missed yeterday's lesson."

"oh. i went through it on my own yesterday," i said boldly, which i thought she should be proud of me for being the independent learner that i am (if im not too lazy). but no!!

"so you dont need me anymore la? dont need a teacher. can read and do on your own?" irgh she was smiling that trademark smile again.

naturally when someone smiles at you, you'll smile back almost automatically. but with miss tan, its a whole different concept altogether. her smile's like this sick smile those mad scientists always have and i feel like im the guinea pig.

dont get me wrong. im not bitching about miss tan. in fact, i think shes a marvellous teacher. (chengz still the best, though.) its just that shes so intimidating......

it's miss angela lim's 46th birthday!!!! hhahahhahaha!!!!!!!!! ..of course shes not 46. hahahha. 20-plus, most likely..? but yea. its her birthday!!! (((:

so yea. after that, hung out with nana, meya, xueling and yea.

1.30pm. nana left for chem and i headed for home. so she thought. i called up lina..i mean, sergeant lina! hahah.. asked what she was up to. wanted to grab lunch with her but shes going off for another camp. in fact, shes already off.. will be back on saturday!!! gonna miss her loads!!!! ):

so i was at the bus stop. totally lost. well. you know, like those situation where suddenly you just go "nerr.. now what?" haha. yea. so there. and then it happened.

i saw him. him as in hiim. ..(: well. he was in the car. backseat of course. grey car. it was the traffic and it slowing down.. and well, he was looking out the window at..somewhere at my direction.. thats how i saw him. he was looking very fly nonetheless. and well yea. it just.. it was so.... i felt so high all of a sudden.

but i told myself.. shit im hallucinating!!!! i need food in my system!!!

i called my mom.. she was more than obliged to have lunch with me (; promised to meet at tp and tp was filled with peirceans. especially kfc. very convenient. didnt want to bump into anybody i know so i hid in yamaha (:

the middle aged malay guy was there (: and i was glad he still remembered me. the crazy girl who looked like she was gonna run off with one of his guitar..... hah kidding.

i picked up the nearest acoustic guitar (with a high tech mic built inside it!! how cool!!!!) and started playing like its the most natural thing on earth.

it is natural, in fact. i feel natural. ....i belong here!!!! hahahha.

he reckoned i can play the guitar!!!! aaahah!H!haha!! i think its one hell of a compliment. i mean, coming from a pro like him and that ive got no lessons whatsoeffing. he asked what im here for since i already have a guitar.

yea i have. but............. i want a new one, not a second hand one like the one i have now..? specifically i want that gorgeous red one thats locked up in that room there. i want to buy it. with own money. not a present from anyone. i want that sort of satisfied feeling of having accomplished something.

sigh.

mom arrived. with little sister, syak. ohkayyy....... mom saw me with the guitar and the guy and she got pretty.. suspicious? later on she admitted that she thought i had dragged her 'for lunch' to 'make her buy me a guitar'.

....maybe i could do that. nyehehehehe.

mom wants to catch the movie ghost train tomorrow.tomorrow ive got so many plaaans! well. kindarf.

"lelaa. going for class outing tomorrow at sentosa?" sweetie norine asked.
"hm. i dont know?"
"go leh. must go."
"haaa.."
"wahlao. antisocial!!!!"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!! so im no social butterfly but that dont mean im antisocial. i love people. i love them alot......

"syahirah might be coming," i said.
"good good. we meet at ang mo kio mrt first?"
"hahahha.. making plans already? that is if im going?"

and then tabi came along and was like, "lelaa.. wanna go meiyun's party? it's tomorrow.."

"tomorrow!? hahahahaa!" i glanced at norine and she was like, "..." hahahah!!!

i wanted to ask who is meiyun but that would be rude. but then again, attending someone's party which you're not formally invited to is pretty rude too dont you reckon!? hahaha!!! but tabi says i could be there because there's some 'band stuff' going on and she knows ive been dyyying to see her band perform (:

and my mom wants to catch a movie tomorrow.

:D

hahah i wanna end my post for now. but i just dont know how to...? hahahah. okie how about byebye? but its like.. all those crap and suddenly byebye??? haha.

hate byebyes.

hahahha. somebody stop me!!!! heh. okie okie. i promise im gonna stick to this lay-o. at least for a month.. but yea. dont you think this one's a fly!?!?!

right. so thats a weird way of describing a template. but you get my idea..

came to school just for chem practical. 26 turned up (: cant say the same for history lesson before that.

sigh. i may be satisfied with the outcome of my bloggo, and ive got yellow stain on my fingers due to some unknown (but very safe, i assumed or else i would have been as good as dead by now) chemical, which really meant that i did the experiment instead of waiting for linus and xingwai's answers in front.

by right i should be proud of myself. so i was. for the shortest period of time in the history. however, as much as i hate to admit it, i feel this twinge of fear. fear that when the major practical exam arrives, i wont know what to do.

the inevitable case of the least-welcomed panic attack. which turns your brain to milkshake. ends up pouring the aqueous sodium hydroxide solution anywhere but the test-tube. looks at the bunsen burner like its gonna burst to life and eat you up.

yea. this is lelaa when she thinks too much..thinks faaaar beyond too much, she most likely will freak out for the craziest reasons.

okie. maybe i shouldnt be worried about chem. i should worry about..physics!!!! been skipping mr chan's lessons twice. irgh. the deathifying(?) feeling of guilt and a bit of fear eating me up from the insiide.

i say this calls for a cornetto ice cream :))

hm. haha. hi. (: hows it going!?

new lay-o. by me myself and i. nuh uh. not very proud of it. i dont have photoshop or what-have-you.. so. explains why it seems.. not quite right. hur..

just trying out something new.

i ripped down my tagboard.. (: comment box is up, in case you still dont know.

no commenting on lay-o, please. thank you very much.

ive nothing more to say so there.. :D

[EDIT] changed my lay-o agaaain!! ahhah!!! never seem to be satisfied. what can i say? im a girl..(:

i think i like this one. its not yet complete though...you know. just in case i decide to change again tomorrow..?

i lied when i said 'ive nothing more to say' because knowing me, i have alot to say. lets just look at it this way: i wasnt myself last night...morning. uh?

(:

it was 30 more minutes before period with mrs ong ended. she gave us a little break and went out for a mo....

chengxi, poh hong, alvin and weijie took this 'golden' opportunity to escape. talk about bad timing.... they only decided to leave at the very laast minute, when the short break's about to end.

so it was like this: the four of them walked out of the room. 5 seconds later they walked back inside.

see, mrs ong caught them just as they stepped out.

feel for them, guys.. (: you can hear their hopes crumble.

boys can be so damnably silly.

then because of them, the rest of us got lectured by mrs o.. and she reminded us of the thing we all had been avoiding: conscience. not forgetting dicisplin, which we all had shoved deep inside the closet since the 31th of may.

hm cindy has my english-malay dictionary. i dont know whats gotten into me. lending it to her. hah. shes just so so so into malay.

im so so so into street fighter. well. i was. ah. i used to look forward to going over my cousin's house because he had this street fighter game which i wanted so bad i dreamt of it.

grew out of it. then was reminded of it.. how i used to sit in front of the television, hands on the game controller whatnot, hitting the buttons though i wasnt sure what it was specifically for. i didnt have to. i always almost won.

"k.o. game overr." music to my ears.

hahahah!! syak is telling a ghost story over the phone to one of her unfortunate phone pals. haha!

im really losing my touch in writing. instead of getting better, im getting..nowhere. i read my past entries and compared them with the recent ones, im like.. hells where did that lelaa go?

anywaysm. let me see if i can get this one right....

cindy, xinying, norine, ken, liling, yuwen, sriee, wilson, poh hong, alvin, chengxi, weijie and i.

we were the only geeks and nerds who came for bio and chem practical.. (: im so proud of us all. (weijie disappeared after bio to play soccer..but really, he deserves a little credit, dont you think!?)

"take pictures of the results and burn them into a cd and show to those who are absent. let them watch in envy!" -severely-pissed-of mrs jeya, while we were in a middle of testing the presence of starch in tomato.

yea well. maybe in jeya world, it might happen.. but uhh?

as if they give a shit whether there's starch in tomatoes.

admirably full attendance for maths with miss tan today..(: even better than social studies with miss khai the day before.

sriee and i were the first at the bus stop to head home. hahaha!!!! yea so we skipped geography. we taught we were the only ones..

then there was hannan who saw us and kindar went like, "guilty! hahaha!"

hahhaha..says the guy who sashayed in for classes 2 hours late..every single day. (:




do you know that when you envy someone, its because you really like that person?

that those appear to be very stong in heart, are real weak and most susceptible?

that those who spend their time protecting others are the ones that really need some one to protect them?

did you know that the three most difficult things to say are : i love you, sorry and help me? the people who say these are actually in need of them or really feel them, and are the ones you really need to treasure, because they have said them.

did you know that people who occupy themselves by keeping others company or helping others are the ones that actually need your company and help?

that those who dress in red are most confident in themselves? and those who dress n yellow are those that enjoy their beauty? that those dress in black are those who want to be unnoticed and need your help and understanding?

did you know that when you help someone, the help is returned in two folds?

did you know that those who need of you are those that dont mention it to you?

its easier to say what you feel in writing than saying it to someone in the face? but did you know that what is most difficult for you to say or do is much more valuable than anything that is valuable that you can buy with money?

did you know that if you ask for something in faith, your wishes are granted? that you can make your dreams come true, like falling in love, becoming rich, staying healthy.. if you ask for it by faith, and it you really knew, youd be surprised by what you do.

but dont believe everything i tell you until you try it for yourself, if you know someone that is in need of something that i mentioned, and you know that you can help, you'll see that it will be returned in two-fold.

(the whole extract from meisy's blog) (:

yea. there's school today. the whole bloody week, in fact. and next week too. and then the week after the next, officially term 3.

..what? school is good. school's fun.. yup. hells yea. im looking forward to school. im not complaining or anything. at least im trying not to so stop looking at me like that!!!!!!!

it feels good to be back to school. not. haha. who am i kidding? i was dreading it.

when i couldn't find my school shoes that morning, i was almost delirious with exhilaration.. i can picture it already.

teacher: "why weren't you present the whole week?"

lela: "oh. my school shoes were stolen. cant possibly wear slippers to school now, can i? my mom's, her shoes.. tsk tsk. im talking about 70s... my sisters'..well, theirs a different story altogether."

teacher: "get a new pair, then!"

lela: "ho..try telling my mother that!! knowing her, she would take a week or two..if you're lucky. i mean, if im lucky. haha! so yea."

teacher: "are you trying to be funny with me!?"

lela: "no i am."

wait wait..where am i getting at? hm. "the flo is very unpredictable". inevitably amusingly, sometimes piss-you-of-a-great-deal-ly.

see what i mean!?

do you think im funny? alot seem to. funny weird of funny haha? either. im not!! im not funny!! i cant tell a joke even if my life depends on it.

or maybe being funny is not than just telling jokes. maybe maybe. but i still dont find mysef funny.

corny, very likely. lame, my middle name. but i think im more of a witty person than funny.

its the time of the month. and also 'the time of the month'. the old chang kee squidheads phase time of the month.

thats it. im definitely weird funny. so weird funny its not funny anymore.

attendance for english was..not that bad i suppose. but physics, almost half left. okie. pretty much understandable.

hannan was absent for english. said he 'woke up late'. but oddly enough, he made it on time for physics. okie. ....uh...?

returned library books after school... ahhaha. sriee makes journey to the library very fun. hahahha!

we were heading for old chang kee after that, skipping practically, when this malay lady beckoned us.. wanted some help.

she took a lot of our time. not that i mind. thats what i do best anyway. she was grateful to us. we were grateful it was over because everything was really..complicated. haha. go figar.

to show her gratitude, she wanted to buy us drinks.

sorry, lady. drinks dont work on us. cash, on the other hand, would do plenty.

joke..(:

sriee had band at 2. we hung out at the interchange, enjoying squidheads, while waited for nj to call.

from the corner we were sitting at, we could see pretty much those who boarded and alighted the bus. and it was interesting the things and types of people we encountered..(: and the crap coming out of sriee's mouth. haha!

tomorrow is going to be an even longer day in school. because there's going to be bio and chem.. with the same teacher!!!

god bless 4e1. those who's got the balls to come, that is.

i hope we'd be doing practical. time flies when we're doing science practicals. (:

okie imma go revive my numb butt now.

oh im fine.. cobwebs, see.

not because ive temporarily abandoned this shit-of-a-blog. more like because there's no tags.

come on now. give me a sign. give me a tag.

what to tag if i dont update, right? okie so im updating now. im typing a post as i speak. type..whatever.

actually nothing's been happening. nothing interesting, to be more specific.

i wish i were lina.. attending kayaking competitions for almost this whole week and coming home with medals and a hot tan.

ive been studying though. catching up with lots of stuffs. yup. other than that, no. nothing. nothiing!!!!

im a bore. sue me! sue me!!! finally!! something interesting!!

ive been waking up around 11 in the morning every single day for this whole week. well.. actually i wake up at 9. to have breakfast. then i sleep again.

yea so i wake up again and watch kids central with syak. then i would sleep again. and wake up to have lunch. watch tv again. do a little bit of studying.. may be little but at least i absorb them!!

im a potato. a pig. procrastinator. pathetic. pizza. prata. peace. ...whatever p you can think of. but never, i repeat, never, PESSIMISTIC.

i went to the kitchen for the nth time, opening to fridge praying to find a leftover chocolate bar or anything i can feed on, and my gmum was there doing the washing and realized i was still in yesterday's clothes.

she started nagging. yea so i hadnt taken a shower since.. in a sense, i was doing her a favour. and i was also economising.... so what gives?

ive learnt to shut my mouth until she runs out of steam. unfortunately it appears today she has more steam than a constantly boiling kettle.

i didnt quite get what she was trying to tell me because i kind of zoned out after the first six syllables have been uttered. but i believed it's something to do with my.. lifestyle?

i know so because i feel the same. i know its not healthy.. late nights and even later morning.. too much sleeping.. too much junk food..

maybe that's why i feel kind of.. woozy lately. im not myself and hannan reckoned i need to 'socialise' and 'hang out with friends'.

yea why dont you ask me out already, hannan? haha.

but im enjoying life! my life. i mean, i wont get to do this once term 3 starts. heck.. just next week i will have to rise up early for school already!!

im not the only one with lifestyle problems. my mom! oh god. she..she... she.. i dont even know how to start!!!

she's not helping my case. every night she brings home fast food. burgers, fries, coke..you name it.

"mom, fast food is not good for you," i said to her with my mouth full. mcnuggets..yummy. "its unhealthy! and while im saving up money, here you are wasting them on food."

"its never a waste of money if you spend them on food. anyway, im still working so i can afford these. enjoy life to the fullest!" she exclaimed.

and at that moment, a camera advertisement had came up on the tv and lina had gushed about wanting it and mom said yea she will get it for her.

..the mcnuggets in my mouth turned to cardboard. honestly? im worried for my mom.

actually my whole piggy lifestyle ive developed is a form of protest. hoping that my mom would notice but shes too busy working to notice and im so used to it to bother anymore.

just so you know, there's this mandarin conversational classes which im very interested in. its held conveniently at the mosque and the fees are very convenient too. its just the time, you see.

"you dont mind my taking up mandarin classes, right?"
"of course not. i think its a great idea."
"what about money?"
"money's not a problem."
"ohkayy."
"call me when the class ends. ill come pick you up and we can grab lunch at macs."
"you mean dinner.. very late dinner."
"dinner?"

she stared at me and i stared at her and realization hit me like a boulder right on my head. i reminded her that it starts at 8 and ends at 9.30 pm and she immediately changed her mind.

obviously she doesnt trust me. no. she's just a worry wart. been watching too much 'missing' on channel 5.

hello, mom? im 16.

oh well. i should count my blessings that she didnt pick the clothes i should wear. hah kidding. ..kind of. she still wouldnt let me out the house wearing sleeveless or shorts that are short or faded beyond colour recognition.

my mom.. ((: sigh.

as much as im still pissed off with her for not letting me attend mandarin classes just because its after 7, i try to understand her. be in her stinky shoes.

but im a teenager hence my resorting to 'piggy lifestyle' as a protest to this whole craziness.

didnt thought i would get addicted to it. ah. i should seen that one coming though.

anyways. im in love with the song tennis court soundtrack by daphne loves derby.. (((: its such a sad, emotional kind of song, accompanied with plucking and strumming of the guitar.

argh i just love the guitar bit. man.. i cannot imagine a song without guitar chords. i cannot imagine my life without my gary. ..(:

everything is so wrong!! why!

i did a wee bit of compre but i couldnt get my answer the way i wanted it to come out..? and my handwritting..disgusting! i couldnt seem to hold the pen right. my hand hurts instead.

i tried to blog but in the end it didnt seem right.. somethings missssiiiing!!!

whats happening?

i stayed up till 4 am yesterday. meaning this morning. uh. yea. didnt mean to. but caffeine was strong and i had a great companion. hahaha(:

i could keep on but hannan needed his sleep. from fun..to annoying. that was how he was getting as time went by.. no offence. but hes so fucking funny.

its the kind of funny where you gotta put a fucking before it(:

dozed off a little for like 20 minutes before mom woke me up to go to the mosque.

something funny happened in the mosque!!!! hahahahahaha!!!!!! there was like this loooud snore while the uztaz(the Big Guy who gives lectures..haha) was lecturing..

i was like, duude..we dont need that right now. dont want uztaz to start giving us pep talks about immoral conduct. (god knows how ive had my share of pep talks from teachers in school already.)

okie. know what? i figured nobody's interested in lengthy posts so i decided to bring it down a notch. (:

ah this is boring. for all i know i may end up deleting this random, lame and unnecessary post. whichever comes first.

i was supposed to have the house to myself. but lina came back from her camp.

she scared the crap out of me.. knocking on the door around 11pm that like a madwoman.

now shes fast asleep and it feels weird..... i missed her, hell i did. but irghh. couldnt she sleepover a friend's house or something??? i wanna be alonnne!!

wanna be alone and lonely at the same time. not know what to doooo.. because everything i try to do seems silly. seems..wrong.

wrong. look in the mirror and say that. you face goes all wrong. hahhahahahah!

...okie lela.. that. is. so. wrong.

this whole week is gonna be me myself and i. because last 2 weeks of this june "hols" are gonna be packed with lessons..

i shouldnt have open the door just now. hahahahah!!!!

gwen stefani quotes(in her song): "take a chance, you might grow".

just so you know, thats like one of my philosophies i live with. another being "trust your crazy ideas". haha. they kindar work together, see.

ive taken plenty of chances. hell, ive grown, baby.

but some chances.. are pretty much regretting...like this particular effing "CHaNce" i had took effing minutes ago and now i look like A effing Fool..anyway yea.

i keep telling myself that ill pass. haha. thats me. my heart may crush a little and then i fall but i bounce back faster than you could breathe 'madagascar'.

damniwannawatchthatmoviewouldsomebodytreatme?

yea ill pass. a little disappointment cant kill me. trust me, ive been murdered before and it takes so much more than just a stupid little disappointment to even make me cringe.

haha i like how that sounds.

hi. how's it been? lovely saturday isnt it? i think so too.

im listening to this song called Foolish and thats how im feeling. foolish. here i am, trying to clean up my room.

who am i kidding?? hahahhaha. lelaa? clean up her room? look at me. im blogging instead.

its one of those days.. you know?

you're in your room, on your bed, staring at the ceiling with the radio blasting on, drowning everyone else's voices and making everyone wanna murder you.. basically just minding your own business.

then suddenly you're up. you just have the most crazy idea. clean up the room! ah! its better than just pretending to be doing something.

..okiee.. maybe only i do that. god knows my room needs a lot of cleaning, and a lot of tidying up..

i need to occupy myself from the craziness thats happening lately anyway.

that was about 12 hours ago. im still not done yet. hahah. its not even anywhere near done!! i can still blog, for crying out loud..(:

the bugger behind the blogger: lelaa ismail. (sorry, dad. hahah..)

its interesting what you can find in your own room.... sigh.. im surrounded with old magazines, old textbooks, old exam papers which i had stuffed deeep inside the drawers.. but most interesting: my old journals..(:

you see, i dont know if i should throw them, or keep them. they're just so precious to me~ for some weird reasons..

mom says whats the use holding on to it? memories should all be inside your head, and your heart. yea well truee..

but wouldn it be cool 20 years down the road and you find yourself flipping thorugh your disgusting journals or exercise books or even the school's parentline. haha.

yea. you know what? i am a sentimental freak. and i dont see the problem with that(:

do you know what else i found? my sketches, my short stories, my attempt-at poetries and whatnots......aaahh~ id die if anyone had their filthy hands on them.. blushh.

you know why its scary for me to clean up my room? because lina's not here to help me, thats why. she's the one who knows where the dictionaries, where the cd album without the cd goes etc. yea. shes the little miss organized.

i, little miss perfectionist. but im a different sort. im a perfectionist who believes nothing is perfect. so..thats why i cant seem to get anything done.

hahahhaha i thuuuuck!!!!!

lina's away for some camp and she'll be back on monday. .....i think i can handle it. being with these piles of papers and books for another 2 nights.

but i doubt my mom can. i dont see her problem. shes not the one who has to sleep with them.

why cant she help me anyway? "i didnt ask you to clean up your room," she reasoned. thats a way of saying: "im the laziest mother on the face of this universe and you cannot do anything about it."

haha i wouldnt dare to promise that i wont sleep until my room's neat again. hahha. naaahh. wouldn wanna risk it. hahaa.

i think ill be sleeping on the couch tonight.

"the singapore poly experience thing was a total wombat by the way. waste of money, buckeroos, and time.

.....okie i made that up. the wombat thing. hah.

but really. i thought we would be, you know, attending real poly lectures, not just some introduction about the courses..

yea so we need to know what its all about first before we start anything. i know that. but have it ever occured to them that maybe we already knew?

..i thought so.

even the buffet sucks. ..i can never look at sushi the same again..... -shudders. imagine..soggy bread instead of rice. like, what the?

the only fun bit about the whole thing is.. uh.... i only had fun when the.. uhh... irghh. i didnt have fun, alright?

fun was when hannan texted me in the middle of the boring speeches and made me laugh. hahhahah.. hannan's da man~

pizza versus prata.. now yoda versus madonna? gosh..we're lame(:

he perked me up and i wanna thank him sincerely from the bottom of my butt. i would have died there in the convention hall.

monster-in-law made me laugh out loud and we actually sat at some else's seats and they were like, "eh?" and we were like, "huh?" and then "oh!!" and then rushed to our actual seat which was kindar silly but it made me laugh.

and seeing sriee after so long was refreshing.. hahha. and ken complimented my butt which was awkward but anything else is better than the misery and the emptiness i was experiencing.. hated it so."

that was.. ermm. 3 days ago. i blgged but didnt get to publish it because somehow the entry that day was.. all wrong. i dont know.

ive got an extract from it and put it here. so. yup. shruggs.

maybe i should go back to my cleaning yer? or i can just, you know, lock the door and pretend nothing happened and move in my granpar's room. they dont use it much anyway. about my school books and stuff, ill worry about that tomorrow.

night night! little miss perfectionist-big pfft-procrastinator-more-like signing off; lelaa ismail (ive said sorry, havent i, dad?)

--Goth--

Do you wear black eyeliner?: depends.
How much black clothing do you own?: they get infested with cat fur so i dont buy black clothing.
Do you think about death often?: no.
Do you want to die?: who in the right mind would wanna die?
Are you a social outcast?: quite possibly.
Are you pale?: nope.
Do you cut?: quh-uh. if theres anything id wanna cut now, it would be syak's throat......
Do you like Hot Topic?: never been there.
Do you write angst-ridden poetry?: when im angsty, i dont write... if you get what i mean.


--Skater Punk--

Can you skateboard?: no.
How often do you wear Vans?: hehehhehe never.
What's your sneaker brand?: converse.
Do you do stupid stuff with your friends?: yea..
How much do you get in trouble?: im in trouble as i type.
Do you listen to the bands that are considered posers?: who's not a poser these days..(:
How many piercings do you have?: two.


--Prep--

How often do you say the word "like"?: hahahahahha.. subconsciously, its like.. quite often.
Do you shop at Abercrombie and Fitch?: nope..
Are the A&F models hot?: hot is miss peru 2005.. right, hannan!? hahahhah.
How many wallets do you own?: uh..2. i think. whos counting?
How often do you wear makeup?: not so often. a little to never.
Are you ever blonde: say what?
Do you own rain boots: hahhah rain boots?? no..thats the last thing we need here in sunny singapore....
Have you ever said "Oh my gosh"?: yea. what, that makes me a prep? whats a prep anyway?
Are you a cheerleader?: imma dreamer.
Do you shop at GAP?: ..?


--Hippie--

s your hair long?: not so.
Are you a vegetarian?: are you kidding? im against veggies.
Do you own a tye dye shirt?: nah.
Do you want peace?: more than anything else you can imagine.
Do you want to save the animals?: more than anything else you can imagine.. go PETA!
What do you think about war?: its horrid. its selfish. something we can do without it.
Have you ever made a peace sign with your two fingers?: sure!


--Gangsta--

Are you from the ghetto?: ha. no.
Do you own "bling bling"?: nope. i tend to misplace them.
What do you think about do-rags?: what in the world is that?!
Do you like rap?: depends whats rapping.
How about hip-hop?: hiphops fiine(:
Was Tupac truly the greatest rapper in the world?: Tupac..havent heard from tupac for quite some time... translation: whos tupac..?
What do you think about afros?: kool(:
Have you ever said 'fo shizzle'?: Fo shizzle, dude! there, I said it. now someone please clue me in on what it interprets to.


--Frat--

Is life a party?: lets face it..its not. but whats the harm of thinking so? (:
How often do you get drunk?: never..
Do you care about your grades?: hell yea.
Do you need attitude adjustment?: i believe i dont..
Are your parents paying for your college tuition?: who else?


--Emo--

How often do you cry?: pretty often, most of my emotions manifest as tears. phen i'm elated, touched, sad, angry, hurt, confused, nervous etc etc. Crying is really carthartic.
Do you have an ex?: ex what..?
Do you have an acoustic guitar?: yea. my stitchmo!!!!!!! ((:
Do you listen to emo bands?: screamo's more my thing.
Do people understand you?: Very, very few.
Do you write your own songs?: havent been doing that for some time.
Is your hair dyed dark?: hi? black hair? hahahha.


--Jock--

Do you play any sports?: i love hockey(: i love badminton(: i love tennis and squash(: you get the picture yet?
How important are they to you?: what? sports? important? unless youre remarkably good at it, then yea.
How important is your reputation?: don't we all care what other's think of us? but i wouldn't do something i don't want to for rep's sake.
Do you pick on the geeky kids?: hahahha noooo.
What do you think about football?: local football, yea. (:
Are you considered a bully by anyone?: me? *bats eyelashes* I hardly think so.


--Geek--

Do you wear glasses?: no and yea.
Are you smart?: yes.
Do you use an inhaler?: nope.
Do you stick pens and calculators into your shirt pockets?: calculators???? Hahahhahahha~ no.
Does your mom buy your clothes?: annoyingly, yes. (:
How often are you on the computer?: too often.
How often do you get picked on?: so faar..never. ..what, that makes me a geek?


--Whore--

Do you go tanning on a regular basis?: meaning soakin' up UV rays under that gigantic hole in the ozone? hhahah.. the price of vanity. tsk tsk.
Do you always follow the latest fashions?: i cbs. cant be stuffed.
Do you owe any roxy stuffs?: ..none. what, roxy 'chicks'=whore?? lol?
Do you own a pair of large sunglasses?: haardly used them.
Does your screen name contain x's, or any of the words: baby, girl, sweetie, angel, sexy?: *blink blink* i mean, no. (im severely amused here, fyi....)
Do you own lots of makeup?: nuh uh.
Do you a tattoo of a butterfly anywhere on your body?: nope. What, that makes you a whore?!
Did your daddy buy your car?: i cant drive and my dad's dead.
Have you ever dyed your hair blonde in any way?: no. blondes=bimbos????



Answer: None. labels, labels, labels, what's in the name?

people can be so narrow-minded. just because you're a jock, or a goth, it doesnt make you superior. you're a geek, doesnt mean you're inferior.

will we ever stop labelling and judging other people or ourselves, even, with what we wear, do, say? or is this childish way of recognizing people gonna keep on? because it's just so wrong.

we are what we wear, we are what we say, we are what we do = BULLSHIT. the purest of bullshit, if you dont mind me exaggerating.

the clothes you wear dont make you look good. you make the clothes look good. and its not what you say, its how you say it. and its not what you do, its how you do it(:

look deeper.. underneath the clothes you wear, be it faded tee you bought at the pasar malam, or that expensive roxy top. underneath the fake tan, or the tattoo-infested body..

you get where im getting at?

the heart. thats where you should look. because thats the only thing that matters. and just how do we do that?

love them.

you gotta love that person to understand whats deep in their heart. only then can you know what they really are. and though love is beautiful, it also hurts. then again, no pain no gain, right?

sorry, there's no other easier way. theres no shortcut to a person's heart.

you cannot hate someone you dont know. you cannot love someone you dont know either.