Ahhha. Don't ask me about yesterday's entry(: You guys go figure it out yourself. Hahaha. I can imagine the look on your faces when you read it. Ahhahah. There's plenty where that came from.. ;) Hope you will be looking forward to it. Because you know I am. Writing it, that is. Err yeh.

I'm a baaad person. No, this has nothing to do with the entry yesterday(: Anyway. Yeh. I'm a bad person. Take it from me, I am. You think I'm very obedient, very hardworking, very sweet--okie I am sweet haha--very studious etc.. hey guess what. I'm not(:

I don't know why I'm telling you these. But I feel I should. You know. I need to get it out of my system. And you need to get it through your head(:

I am not what I seem I am! What you see is not necessarily what you get. I am not very clever, or smart. I'm here where I am now because of the many million mistakes I made and learnt from(haha and also the even more stupid mistakes my friends made.. I learnt from those as well) and the meaningful experiences I have faced; both good and bad.

Am I a good or a bad girl?
I'm a good bad girl.

I'm bad because of many many reasons, which is stupid to put them here since it's so obvious. And even if it's not, I don't want to ruin my so-called good-girl image(: Serious. Those who don't know me well enough, thinks I'm a good girl.. not that I'm complaining(:

I'm a bad daughter to my momma, a bad granddaughter to my grandpar, the worst daughter ever to my late dad(and the last), a terrible older sister to my sibs, a bad student to Mr Goh and Mrs J and Cikku Majidah and practically all the teachers who ever taught me(except for Chengz haha).. Erm. What else? Oh yes. The main thing. I'm a bad, bad, bad friend to well, all my friends.

And what makes me a good bad person?
It's because I'm trying to change and become better.

I'm much more understanding towards my momma.. I used to cover my ears, and roll my eyes alot behind her back when she nags. I'm more understanding in a way that I know it's not easy being a single mother trying to raise up 2 teenage girls and 1.... very bloody irritating 10-year-old daughter. So I try to lighten her burden by making sure I clean up after myself, and sometime my sisters'. And, you know, run simple errands around the house.. But I'm lucky I have my grandpar with me((: But I know I cannot depend on them all the time....

I'm a terrible irresponsible sister!!!! I'm always picking on them. And I'm always influencing them with bad stuffs. It's through me that now they've picked out vulgarities and obscenities): It's bad, especially when in front of relatives and my 10-year-old sister blurt out that f word and all the aunties will pretend to feel sorry for us that our younger sister is behaving in such manner, but actually they are like, "Oh wait till the others hear about this!"

It's hard la, with my sisters.

I feel last time I've been a shitass friend. Two years ago, I've got a closed buddy who once called me a hypocrite. I don't know what I've done to her.. I wish to know. But. Oh well. Yeh. Dang. I was a bitch to my friends, even if they didn't seem to realize. Or maybe they did but they loved me anyway(: ..Nahh.

I bitched a lot. I was one hell of a backstabber. I said one thing to her, but said another whole different thing to another. Yes. I was wikid. I keep saying was. What, now I'm not? I don't bitch? I don't gossip?

I'm not perfect la. I do bitch. Just healthy bitching...? Haha no strike that. I refrain myself from talking behind people's back. Talking nasty stuffs, that is. But if you ever hear me talking about someone, it's either I mean it goodnaturedly, or if it's a guy, then I simply just think he's uber cute(:

I don't have anything against people gossiping or anythng. A lot of my friends gossip hahaha. Sometimes I tend to listen a bit here and there. Then I will most likely shrug it off and turn to Sriee to tease her about her hair or something(:

Wahh. You think, wahhh Lela has a heart of gold aar. Hahahahhahahahhaha. I'm flattered but hahahhahahhahahha. You think it's easy to ignore those juicy gossips!? It's not. It takes a lot of strength to keep your mouth shut and not joining in the gossipy fun.

One more thing, I used to be very sensitive. One tiny thing, and I would go ballistic. Now.. I'm cool. Okie la. Maybe I will still go a little crazy. And then I'll settle down and yeh. Serious. Try me.

Just this morning I got Sakura practically yelling at me and diving for my throat(she said I was vain and I shouldn't care what others think, just like her.. so I said back, that figures.. you should consider what others think of you sometimes and then she got all fed-up because I bet she knew I was right and she hated it). Then she apologized and all I said was, "It's okay. I understand why you felt that way." And I really do.

I think I'm more quiet now too!!! A little bit la. I'm still as crazy and corny, full-of-shit-and-baloney and funny(hopefully). But then you will find me to myself, keeping hush hush and won't probably breathe a word unless you say something. I'm doing less busybodying too. Haha. Now I tend to leave you alone with your own thoughts and mine with mine and will probably hum Thunderbirds to myself to past the time.

You think I'm being cocky or arrogant. Well I guess in a way I am la. But I'm just finding my space, or I don't want to look for trouble haha. Takmao carik pasal.. You want to tell me, tell me. You don't, I'm cool. I respect your secrecy and now please piss off because now I've mix-up the chorus to Thunderbirds. All thanks to you.

Hannan 'accused' me of having a split personality. Heh. What does he know? "One minute you're lela who's normal and another you're lela who lends money to robbers." Hahha. Like I said before, you decide. You decipher who I really am.

Then again, it won't be necessary that you can get that one right(: