my gmum passed away): father's side gmum. but still my gmum.. and even though our relationship was constrait after dad's death....and the whole money thing with my mother, i still cared and loved her so.

hais.. and just this morning i was telling sriee about this lame scary story my late gmum used to share with me when i was a kid.

wonder what would happen if it were *my* gmum.. who has been with me since the day i was born.. probably the first to carry me. she was the first to everything; to milk me(not her milk, though!!), to bathe me, to feed me, change me..basically to tolerate me. a year later, lina came along. then four years after that, baby syak......her work suddenly became tougher.

that's why we used to have every single of my cousins over (now all grown up and doing their thiing) to give gmum a helping hand with my sister..who is the yongest in the whole huuge family tree. well, not including noah in canada that is..

i liked having the cousins over gmum's house..(: yes, crowded, but hell lot of fun. we were just kids having a blast under one roof. almost everyday after school. i wasn't schooling yet so..yea. but they were. now everyone of them are all grown up and trying to get them over together right now is like trying to mice into a cage.

there would be erwin, who's married now(: and then lili, a teacher in njc. elly, who used to bring along her skateboard and made me sit on it when i was a toddler.. sabrina, a teacher too, in a preschool. noris..havent heard of her since. faizal..a budding doctor and then shafiq..poly now. and me, gonna sit for my os. lina, on a honeymoon. and lastly, syak...whatever is it shes doing.

my parents were hardly at home. both out working. that's why i was the closest with my gmum. but no, i wasnt her favourite grandchild or anything. hahha. she had been taking care of her other grandchildren before me, and i believe i wasnt really the ideal grandchild a grandmother would dream to have. hahhaha. i admit, awriiiighttt..

but i really looked up to her back then. i remembered having to write an essay on the person i admire most. and i wrote about her. when i went to momma for help, and she found out i was writing about her fat mother, she was, i guess, stumped.

then my dad lost his job or something. and yea. he didn't work ever since. so we saw alot of him at home and started to bond and stuff. yeaa.. the reason why i was a daddy's giiiirl. now this, i can say i was his favourite child. even momma said so!!

whatever i wanted, he'd give me. like a gameboy. i was 8. but i wasn't a spoilt brat or anything.. i didn't remember asking anythign more. it seemed i already had everything an 8 year old would ever wanted(: no, i wasn't stupid. i was taught not to be materialistic(:

so i was closer to him than i was with my mother.. even when she was at home, i couldnt' really feel it. it was sad. it was like as if i hadn't got a mother. i believed i didn't like her anyway. she was strict, unreasonable and fat.

then my dad passed away and i had no choice but to stick with her. you know, i hadn't hugged her so tight like i did on the night dad passed away.. his death taught us to value one another..while we still can.

the things the four of us been through together was undescribable. but we made it. that was four years ago.

now momma and i, we're more like friends. friends is good. but we gotta remember we're more than that. im her daughter and shes my mother. sometimes we tend to forget that...

like when i call her by her name instead(..trust one of my close mates to have the same name as my mother!!!!). and there are times where momma would grumble whenever i tell her of my sudden urges for chicken rice. "can't you have your urges tomorrow?? im so lazy to go out.." i would go: "but im your daughterrr.. you cant expect me to starve, riiiiight!?"

momma still work, longer hours than ever before.. i miss having her around. im stuck with my gmum, her husband, and my two loser sisters.

it would definitely be different if dad were still here. like for example, i wouldn't hate my sisters more like i did back then, my room won't always be in a mess(dad always did the cleaning up..since he was the one at home while we were schooling) and i would have my own proper guitar!!..

but the hero in this is not me. or momma. but my gmum. if it weren't for her, we would probably suffer. what, no breakfast, no lunch, no dinner!? hahha. we depend on her more than ever after dad's death. it was like when we were toddlers all over again. she made sure we had 3 meals a day, we bathed(haha), we went to school and back etc.

if she would have gone, i don't know what id do. the responsibilities would go to me and i don't think i can carry them out as smoothly the way she does it. its a miracle she didn't pack her stuffs half way and decide to live with my aunty(: like what i would do if i were her. haha.

my gmum means the world to me(:

to my other gmum who passed away, rest in peace and may Allah bless your soul..amin.